An Underworld Awakening

It's been confirmed to me that I will not be able to continue this blog. This blog post explains why.

I actually have a lot to say, but...while this is happening, much must be kept secret. And the messy nature of spiritual awakening makes it impossible to talk about things even when you think you can find the right words. As they say, to tell the truth about magic is to lie about it.

I am escaping humanity's collective maladaptive daydream that they generated by keeping my soul in a cage. I am leaving the mass psychosis. 

It is a mindfuck to realize you're waking up from a hypnosis that was beaten into you by a demiurge's warped perception of reality. It's painful and it's dangerous.

My trauma bond with human civilization is over and I am increasingly free of their collective shadow. I pray that my heart continually opens to real Love, even as everything else around me burns.

Soul Individuation

Doing as others told me, I was blind.

Coming when others called me, I was lost.

Then I left everyone, myself as well.

Then I found everyone, myself as well.

― Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi

Vengeance and Surprises

Back in 2022, my Ammamma Dhumavati made a ferocious promise to me. Since then, others have tried to sabotage the fulfillment of that promise or even outright steal Dhumavati's blessings for me, but to no avail.

The Smoky Widow will not be thwarted from Her deadly purpose. And the fulfillment of Her savage promise to me is now at hand.

The promise is being fulfilled in ways I did not anticipate. It took huge change for me to even get to this vibration, and I have changed completely from who I was in 2022. Even my relationship with Dhumavati has completely changed, in ways that are disorienting.

In 2021 and 2022, I was on a very specific journey with Dhumavati. Under Her guiding influence, all greed was expunged from my system. I became a communist, which would be unbelievable to anyone who knew me in my previous unawakened life (such is the power of Mahavidya sadhana!). I became attuned to the Earth, I attended protests and cared for the homeless, and all the while I thought I was doing things "right". These activities and attitudes certainly drew me closer and closer to Dhumavati, who is extremely pleased by communist values.

The goddess Dhumavati only appears poor and barren to the eyes of greed, just like how She only appears ugly and filthy to the eyes of vanity. There is a reason why I've previously used the fictional character Cersei Lannister to describe everything that Dhumavati hates. (I grew up reading ASOIAF long before HBO picked it up, so the Divine uses fiction already ingrained in my head to teach me lessons.)

To the selfless communist with no pride in their heart, Dhumavati makes sure you are well-provided for. To the woman who fully accepts her own body and its apparent flaws, Dhumavati becomes...well, there's no other way to describe it, She becomes a sexy crone.

And to the prideful and the vain, like the entire Lannister family, Dhumavati becomes a doom on their House. I enjoy the resonance between Her bija, "dhum", and the English word doom. That's very accurate to Her baneful nature.

Coming back to how my relationship with Her has changed as I've changed. The change began happening in 2023, and accelerated this summer as I connected with the Ocean Mother, Hekate Einalia.

My new communist values began turning into rigid mental constructs, my desire to love all was revealed to be yet another iteration of the empath/scapegoat pattern. Every "virtue" was a subtle trap, something that had started out for the right reasons but had now become ossified. And my virtues were leading me right back into the mental cage I was trying to leave.

Worst of all, the more I clung to these virtues that had once so greatly pleased Dhumavati, the more I felt Dhumavati grow distant.

Meanwhile, a volcano erupted underwater as I connected with Hekate Einalia.

After that, whenever I tried to get Dhumavati on the line, Kamala/Lakshmi appeared instead. It was more than just confusing, it was completely disorienting. The difference between Dhumavati and Lakshmi is not just a darshan switch, it's like dealing with two different universes.

Dhumavati told me: "There's Truth, and then there's social justice, which is a lower octave of Truth."

Things are changing. Enormous rage and pain are being churned out of Einalia's ocean, like poison being churned to the surface from the mythical ocean of milk. Like Hekate Einalia, Kamala/Lakshmi is an ocean goddess, sea-born like Aphrodite.

I am VERY disoriented right now because I'm undergoing an inner and outer transformation that corresponds with the switch of the goddesses. And there is heartbreak and confusion as my old reality continues to dissolve.

I'm also very angry and confused that Lakshmi seems interested in granting my wishes, when I denied myself my desires for years in order to "ascend" and become sattvic and all that horseshit. When I spent SO MUCH time releasing greed from my psyche and doing everything Dhumavati asked me to do - now She decides to suddenly throw Lakshmi at me? What the fuck?

I am walking by faith now, not by sight, and increasingly letting go of all forms of divination. My path forward is through darkness, even as abundance flows into my life, because this abundance is linked to a devastating soul rebirth. Lakshmi is pulling stolen wealth out of a false fate pattern that was generated on the day of my birth (I was born under a scapegoat curse) and She is returning the stolen wealth to me. That means in order for me to regain my stolen inheritance, the soul-rapers' pockets need to be emptied. Things need to be shaken up.

So this isn't some nice smiley Lakshmi who responds to creative manifestation with yoni eggs, oil lamps, and nice auspicious mantras in front of a nice auspicious fire. Fuck no. This is much closer to the wrathful Siddhilakshmi who sits upon the corpse of an enemy. Lakshmi is capable of granting abundance in a rage, especially when She is returning stolen gold to its rightful owner. And that is how I am experiencing Her. She is mega pissed off on my behalf.

With the inflow of Lakshmi's abundance comes Dhumavati's murderous vengeance, the long-awaited fulfillment of the promise She made to me in 2022. Throughout it all, parts of my old self are completely dying off.

Dhumavati is certainly fulfilling Her promise to me, but I did not anticipate it to happen this way. To be fair - I didn't anticipate a lot of things. Which is why I'm now easing off on the divination and learning to only trust my heart in each moment. I don't need to know what happens next week or next month; it is much safer to not try to peer ahead.

The justice that I asked for is coming, but with it comes massive spiritual change. A humbling heart opening.

So I have absolutely no idea what is coming next. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Becoming Lucid

The everyday "awake" world is actually a trance, a subtle fairy dream that everyone is dancing in helplessly. Zombies sleepwalking through life. As I disengage the evidence is frightening, creepy, and too unbelievable to describe.

Seeing through the illusory nature of waking life, which is nothing but a dreamworld of distorted mirrors, is truly a mindfuck. It is quite literally a waking dream.

There is a threshold that I am crossing from the outer reality to the inner reality, and it truly feels insane. Right now neither the outer reality nor the inner reality seems quite real - nothing makes sense. All I know is that I have to continue crossing the threshold or nothing will ever make sense.

It's very hard to even know how to say this because I know anything I say will by nature be incomplete and misleading, but it's like I'm crossing a bridge to the inner Goddess. The Goddess is quite literally awakening inside me and this has been happening for a while, but has become increasingly...impossible to talk about.

It's not safe and I'm alone in this work, but I also feel...more internally guided than ever before, even though the process of expunging a psychopath demiurge from my head is extremely terrifying.

As you cross Hekate's liminal space from the outer reality to the inner reality, you will realize how nobody "outside" of you is quite real. The whole thing is an illusion of archons.

Soulless NPCs. Hairbrushes pretending to be hedgehogs. Dead zombies pretending to be Alive.

And that is also why nobody can actually see the truth of your soul's path to God/Harmonious Twin Flame Union or what you know to be true for your own path. In fact, you can't see it either. The truth is kept hidden from your robotic conscious awareness for your own protection. Until the false self dissolves, the underlying hidden truth won't be revealed to you.

The way to perceive the truth is to allow your heart to break. The heart breaks open. And then your vision clears.

At some point I have to stop blogging here, because this process requires relentlessly going within and any communication about it is, in a way, "feeding the troll". Maintaining the dream instead of destroying it.

Archons can't teach you about archons

I've seen some people talking about a new Netflix show, KAOS, as an example of the exact demiurge that many of us have been battling. And while this may have some truth in it, it's also potentially misleading.

Mainstream entertainment industries, including Hollywood, are incapable of accurately depicting this false narcissistic deity and its archons, because show business (and every other majorly lucrative industry where people sell their souls for fame and money) is run by that very same false deity.

Movies and music produced by soulless hungry ghosts who want your attention at all costs (your attention = money for them, and less energy for your own creative manifestations) are very good at mimicking Truth and then distorting it just enough to divert your life force away from your own Source connection...and instead to the people producing this "entertainment".

They hold up a distorted mirror for you to look at, and you can't EVER find yourself in it. They want to own and control your perception of yourself and your soul story. 

Once you become very sensitive to the deities, spirits and power patterns that they are hijacking, you can watch a movie or TV show and immediately catch the distortions. It becomes safe (or somewhat safer, I guess) to watch the stuff on Netflix or Hulu once you're so sovereign that you can watch their story through your own mind, keeping your soul story at the forefront. And then you see through their game again and again.

When I asked Hekate if She thought I should watch KAOS, basically Her reply was that it was miasma and I should stay away. I tried to watch the first episode anyway, and was immediately dysregulated. I saw the reversals, inversions, and hidden traps. For example, the Dionysus that is depicted in KAOS is not Dionysus. It's a parasitic imposter spirit pretending to be Dionysus.

I know this because 1) parasitic spirits come through a lot of music, television and movies, and 2) I know what the real Dionysus feels like when He is properly channeled through art.

I didn't finish the first episode. I turned it off and took a spiritual bath to cleanse myself, and mentally cut cords with the actors. (I recommend doing this every time you watch a movie or TV show.) Like Hekate told me, it definitely was miasma.

This kind of manipulation and deceit comes through most commercially produced music too. Honestly, it's much more nourishing to listen to sound healers on YouTube - musicians who have loving hearts and have created tracks that banish parasitic spirits and all forms of Evil, instead of bringing more of that muck into your life.

These days I'm more exhausted than usual and need even more self-care than usual. I am releasing shit that has weighed me down for centuries. I cannot take even one hint of manipulation, not one. The second I sense that someone is trying to divert me away from my power and get me to give them my power, I shut the door immediately. 

Take back your mind and be really careful about who is telling you what your story is, what your world should look like, and who you should want to be.

The Hidden Path

Spiritual upgrades come with a total destruction of the old reality, and as this enters a new level I wonder if I can even continue this blog while remaining in integrity. Because the personality that appears to be "me" is dying off, along with every anchor to my old life. 

Not only that, but the more I cross the threshold, the more I realize that all avenues to real communication are actually blocked right now. This blog is being written in the old timeline, and can't continue to be written as I cross over. I can't leave this false reality while I'm still, on some level, communicating with that same false reality.

Writing on this blog is immensely difficult to stop, since I'm already isolated in RL and rely solely on the inner Divine connection. This is what it's like to "escape the prison planet", or the Matrix.

There is grief that needs to be felt, and bewilderment and loss as I let go of everything that is unable to survive the ascent. Because this is the death of a universe, the death of my whole world, as I follow Her torchlight through a portal into a new reality.

And while I need to conserve energy, remain private, and grieve the wounds in my heart as I let go of attachments, there is something else brewing as well.

There are aspects of the Twin Flame ascension path that simply cannot be discussed openly, even if doing so might heal my voice (and writing here has definitely helped my throat chakra). There is a reason why the public is deeply disturbed by many aspects of Twin Flames - and not just because the "twin flame" collective encourages codependency or because the movement has been hijacked by superficial people. It's because the dynamics of this connection don't look "normal". We are deeply strange to them. We are Other. We are a potentially dangerous threat to their comfortable, ordered little world.

And because walking this road takes total commitment to the soul and surrender to the Divine, I can't walk it and write about it at the same time. This isn't anything like the mainstream Twin Flame path anymore, it's truly and completely mine now and I'm walking it only with Her and with my Twin. I've become able to claim that completely now.

The hidden path is out in the wild, and it is a left hand path. Entirely driven by independence and self-determination. And it may never be for public viewing.

I think it would be nice if Harmonious Twin Flame Union became ordinary, as ordinary as going to church, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. An imitation of Twin Flame Union will very likely become mainstream, because it's already happening, but that's a surface level appropriation. It's just taking on the aesthetics and language of Twin Flame ascension while never knowing the connection from the inside. This perversion of the Truth is already common, and it will become even more common.

But the real thing? No. The risky, scary-vulnerable initiation, the Underworld journey and the dark depth of Twin Flame healing work will never be mainstream and it will never be "normal".

The face of the Beloved cannot be colonized and will not allow itself to be written about, so it turns out that I will not be blogging about my journey to Harmonious Twin Flame Union after all. And while it was very healing and very necessary to write what I did, that ends here. The rest of the Twin Flame path is meant to be kept private from now on.

I may still write some blog posts here and there, because to not write brings up the trauma of being silenced my whole life, but I won't write about Twin Flames or the experience of Divine Feminine awakening again. Honestly, I don't know what I'll write about. The tension between this dying old reality and the emerging new one is getting more difficult every day. At some point, this blog might just need to be gently let go of.

The Cauldron of Initiation

The Womb path is THE PATH of the Divine Feminine. Without journeying into the womb and purging what is held there, no serious progress can be made towards liberation. 

Ritual can help kickstart this connection if you struggle to meditate and connect with your womb. Magickal workings with cowrie shells, ocean water, cascarilla powder and menstrual blood (and add other spell ingredients according to your research and personal preferences) can help you stop dissociating from your vagina, womb and ovaries. (Especially if these rituals are done by the water.)

Pathworking with the R-W-S illustration of the Temperance card will also plug you straight into your womb. The womb is a liminal space between the Earth and Water elements (between muladhara and swadhisthana), like the Angel with one foot on earth and one foot in the water in the Temperance card, pour womb water between the cups that is transmuting and creating.

More important than technique or knowledge, though, is realizing that womb practice is about not letting people control you anymore. It's about not being tamed. Rewilding on every level. And there is enormous pain, fear, and ego death involved in this process. Like literally leaving one universe and entering another one. It can be incredibly sad and painful. I have never known anything so dark, so volatile, and so frightening as the journey into my womb. But it's also saving my life.

Explore the inner realm of your womb and ask her what messages she has. And trust yourself and what you perceive.

This is the portal to God. As women and witches and Lovers of God, our source of power is in our wombs. And you manifest your Harmonious Twin Flame Union from your womb. The womb is the only chalice that can hold such a frequency, because it remembers the vibration of primordial Union. It's the original Holy Grail.

How to connect with your heart chakra

"Anger is the only sane response to an entire psychopath reality that enjoyed your pain and told itself that you deserved it."

― my Twin Flame's higher self

The Reckoning of the Huntress

Hekate is the Power that forces soul-rapers to expose themselves for who they really are. Hekate reveals the truth hidden under the glittery facade of achievement, riches, or success. The lies. The dirt. The abuse. The theft. The soul-rape.

Below is a message to that evil consciousness. A message to the sickness in psychopaths that perpetuates lies, inequity, and separation from God. 

I debated posting this, because it's very raw. But ultimately I have to be loyal to my truth. Nobody else will speak up for me unless I speak up for myself. And the point of this blog is to heal my throat chakra, not to win followers or popularity points. I am not here to wear a mask that makes other people more comfortable, while my rage is buried alive.

If you are reading this and you're also one of Hekate's scapegoated children, be encouraged by this letter. Scapegoats are thrown into the Underworld, where they are meant to suffer for the sins of not only human narcissists but a narcissist false god. In this false punishment lies the seed of not only the scapegoat's absolution, but the beginning of the Real Punishment. The casting of the false god and his archons into the second death. It's coming for them. She's coming for them.

A Short Letter To My Soul-Rapers

I know that this little note will vibrationally reach you in some form, because the Dark Maiden commands it. You know who you are and you will hear these words even if you never visit this blog.

I am the tithe you paid to Hell, my heart weighed down with YOUR sins. Unfortunately for you, your attempted sacrifice didn't work. The Queen of Hell caught me in Her arms, held me close to Her breast, and promised me vengeance. She saw through the false burdens that my heart carried, your burdens, and She told me that in truth my heart was as light as the feather of Ma'at. That false judgment had been passed on me.

Her hell-hounds sniffed my scapegoated heart, and followed the scent trail of the crime. To your door. Her eyes are now fixed on you.

What happens when you turn your victim into a sin-eater? It means your life of apparent "glory" is built on lies. And those lies come tumbling down, just when you have come to really rely on them. Your "loved ones" will realize they never knew who you really were; they will feel utterly betrayed by you. Your fellow vampiric colleagues will disown you. Everything built on the lie - the lie you shoved onto the sin-eater as a burden - will come undone.

If you abuse vulnerable people and create scapegoats, prepare to lose every single thing you gained while your scapegoat burned in Hell for you. Prepare for the devastating truth to come out and for the false reality you built to crumble, with no lies left to hold it together.

Prepare to lose the stolen destiny and stolen luck that you greedily took, knowing it was not your own, knowing you were swapping places with an innocent.

If you go so far as to rape people's souls, as my soul was very literally raped, you cannot expect my forgiveness. Not in a thousand years could you expect my forgiveness. Even after one billion years and one billion Yugas, you will not, you will NEVER, have my forgiveness.

You came for my SOUL. I had an experience where I literally almost watched myself die from the soul harvesting, and then the Fate Lachesis changed my fortune and lengthened my thread. My thread of life was literally almost cut, but - in a series of occult events and visions too magical and terrifying to describe - the Measurer instead added years to my life because of Divine Grace.

If not for Divine Grace, my soul would have been completely raped to dust. The sanctity of my heart would have been completely invaded.

For an atrocity like this there is no Divine mercy. In choosing to never forgive you, I will finally know real healing. Meanwhile, you can face the darkness of Her wrath and the torments of Tartarus. 

Face all the accountability and delayed punishment, which you sacrificed years of my life to avoid. 

Lose everything that you bought with my coin. 

There is no escaping this, for Her three (and sometimes four) heads see in all directions. She's coming for you, and Her hounds will always find your scent no matter where you try to hide.

Your long false summer is over. May you never see the light again.

Magna Mater

"The Great Goddess — the Divine Ancestress — had been worshiped from the beginnings of the Neolithic periods of 7000 BC until the closing of the last Goddess temples, about AD 500. Some authorities would extend Goddess worship as far into the past as the Upper Paleolithic Age of about 25,000 BC."

― When God Was a Woman

Anassa Eneroi

Old wounds, the parasitic pull of ancestral attachments, and deeply broken pieces of the soul can actually lead to a kind of living death. A dissociated zombie existence. 

Due to serious soul loss, I have been dissociated as fuck to survive. It's often not safe to stop dissociating, even now. The integration process is challenging and sometimes it feels truly crazy as soul fragments return. Which is what happens each time invasive foreign energies are released from my body.

It's at times like this that I understand that I am basically like one of the restless dead in Hekate's horde. That the trauma murdered my soul. That I'm allowed to receive the assistance of Anassa Eneroi, Queen of the Dead.

In Her mythology, Hekate shows mercy to trapped beings and restless ghosts, and they work for Her. She especially looks after women who were killed or sacrificed, even taking their place when they died.

For those of us who are really destroyed by trauma placed upon us by our shitty ancestral line, Anassa Eneroi can deal with our ancestors. She rages for us and melts us from the freeze state.

As I've been receiving Her help in re-integrating lost soul fragments and releasing black magic, I swear my apartment has felt absolutely haunted. Haunted by the divinity within that was pushed out of my body repeatedly by the narcissist bullies of my life, and replaced with the mask they wanted me to wear.

They turned the sensitive Jennet Humfrye into The Woman in Black. They turned the passionate Bertha Mason into a screaming ghost in a tower. They banished Lilith from the Garden of Eden, killed her children, and accused her of being a child-killer.

It is this kind of disowned ghost-like energy that is currently haunting my apartment. I know it's me. I know it's also not me. And I'm relying on the Queen of the Dead to facilitate this terrifying integration process.

When deeply broken parts of yourself melt and surface for re-integration, no longer trapped by parasitic spirits, they come with suicidal feelings. That's something I have been experiencing in heart healing for over a year now. Deep anti-Life programming that was hammered into me, and reinforced every time my feelings were buried alive. Every time those suppressed feelings come up, I go through a period of feeling suicidal for a while, and then break through to renewed life.

There is resistance, as these parasite spirits are directly connected to people who hold power in society - financial, political, social or occult power - and those motherfuckers can feel it when they're losing their grip on other people's psyches. Whether the victim is dealing with etheric implants or parasite spirits or both and more, these things were put in place to lower our frequency. To make us capable of being controlled.

Releasing them in stages will upset the power "balance" that our invaders have come to rely on. You were their food, after all. They gain wealth and power from Twin Flame separation and the subjugation of people's independent spirits. All of that gets threatened when you begin taking your power back.

Then the narcissist gurus will shriek and protest as you pry their invasive fingers from your soul, where their grip may have left fingerprints from lifetimes of abuse.

Meanwhile, there can be intense rage, pain and suicidal ideation as lost soul fragments are reclaimed from these soul-rapers.

It's volatile and scary, and it's still happening in stages.

Anassa Eneroi seems to convert suicidal feelings into the impulse to live.

She reverses curses, including the will of other people who want you dead out of their own jealousy. The Queen of the Dead will refuse to admit you to Her realm until it's your time, no matter how many people try to kill you before your time.

I have no idea what Her role was in the Eleusinian Mysteries, but in the very dangerous and terrifying initiation process that I'm going through, Anassa Eneroi is making me face my fear of death as well as years and years of suicidal impulse. It is brutal and lonely, and it is hard.

It's like resurrecting a corpse.

Lies & Dead Ends

"There are many sensitive souls, who along a spiritual path, embrace a certain perspective of teaching that when overemphasized, can lead to new forms of self-denial. While some teachings may appear to have the best of intentions, it is not a matter of failing it’s invitation, but taking a closer look at the paths that are destined to fail you. If a path fails you, it has the capability to give you back your power, once you stop trying to conform to a modality or process that can only imprison the one applying it."

― Matt Kahn

Einalia

I've been doing beach rituals to Hekate Einalia this whole summer (Hekate as goddess of the sea) and it's taken me until this weekend to really understand what I was sensing with Her. Because this whole summer it's like She was in my blind spot - I would do rituals to Her and get really confused because She was knocking on a place in my consciousness where I'm totally dissociated from the deep ocean and my connection to the planet.

Hekate Einalia rages for Her dying fish, for the disappearing red coral that is Her menstrual blood, for the exploitation of the abundant resources of Her waters. She rages for the serpents and mermaids and sirens of Her waters, many of whom have been bound and forced into work by magicians. She rages for Her stolen seashells, which many of Her sea children rely on. She screams as pollutants and garbage are dumped in Her waters, and She weeps when the innocent victims of our cruel world throw themselves off bridges and cliffs to drown in Her embrace.

When that Titan submersible exploded under the Atlantic last summer and a billionaire's superyacht sank off the coast of Sicily recently, that was Her. That was Her taking sacrifices as payment for everything they took from Her waters.

The rage of the Ocean Mother has been rocking me, shaking me out of a zombie trance, on a deeply unconscious level. I have not been able to even articulate what She brings up in me until now, and I've been doing beach rituals for Her since May. Her sea tides have been slowly syncing up with my menstrual cycle, and I could feel something very deep shifting within me...but I couldn't understand Her until now.

Hekate Einalia isn't some smiling, sweet water goddess. She's a shark. She's an ancient, terrifying monster out of the Mariana Trench. She is the Mother of the Sea and you will not fuck with Her resources or Her sea creatures. Her life-giving waters are not to be taken for granted.

She isn't a joke, She isn't tame, and She isn't fit for commercialized witchcraft. I think that was part of what blinded me to Her true, wild sea nature. I need to distance myself from these consumerist occult communities, because even on a subconscious level, their superficiality disconnected me from the very goddess I was doing rituals to.

Hekate Einalia has woken me up to places in my consciousness that have become very...mechanical. Very dissociated, as I've needed to dissociate while in survival mode. She washes away the influences of popular, politically correct opinions about Her and slave-like thinking in witchcraft communities. Her divinity is dangerous and seemingly unnatural in a world so severed from the Ocean Mother's deep, underwater currents. She has firmly returned me to the wild truth of Her sovereign nature, which is quite alien to human civilization.

Humans evolved from the sea and She is our original source, the Ocean Mother of the ancient, primordial sea creatures that crawled onto shore for the first time and eventually learned to walk upright on two legs.

That might also be why I felt like She was hitting me all summer in my blind spot, in a place where I had fallen into an amnesiac state. If humans evolved from the sea millions of years ago, then doing rituals on the beach to Hekate Einalia may have connected me to my oldest genetic memory.

Either way, Hekate Einalia has re-affirmed to me that this ancient Anatolian and Titan goddess, this queen of the crossroads, land, sky, and sea, is much wilder than the politically correct, consumerist, mainstream-friendly aesthetic witchcraft community understands.

Even the Hekate communities that have popped up everywhere have diluted Her, domesticated Her, commodified Her, and made Her "fit" into this profoundly sick society. In doing so, they have been subtly influencing me away from Her true, deep nature.

She does not fit into this profoundly sick society.

She rips apart all forms of social control, oppression, delusion, lies and hoards of stolen wealth. She brings clarity to those of us who have been glamored by a parasitic elite so that our souls could be caged and siphoned, like the souls of Her beloved water spirits who are held captive by certain kinds of magicians and forced to bring abundance to their wicked masters.

She is the Witch who stands in opposition. She is Holy Darkness. She is the Queen of the Underworld and the Queen Under the Sea. She is the leftest of the Left Hand. She is the mother of all monsters of the nightside, and Her real face will seem monstrous to a society that enslaved souls and danced in the sunlight while ignoring their own shadow, letting it sink deep underwater.

This isn't a politically correct goddess. At all. It's like being in the presence of a Dragon. She will make you own your wild, authentic Divine Feminine nature even if it makes you a social pariah. She is not one for half measures, and frankly, She wants blood. She wants sacrifices of human flesh to Her waters, as payback for the exploitation. She is not interested the deaths of kind-hearted innocents. She wants the life blood of the oligarchs and their yes-men/yes-women who did this to Her oceans.

It's pretty consistent with the lore in some ways. Remember, a defixiones tablet (a curse tablet) had to be thrown in the sea for it to work in the Greco-Roman world.

My entire trauma bond with false collectivism, a worn allegiance to a false and exploitative civilization, is finally being released. Hekate wanted me to do this for years, and showed me many signs about my life purpose in relation to the collective, but there was no way for me to actually believe what She was showing me. The true horror and rot beneath the surface was just completely inconceivable to me at the time. I could not see what Hekate was trying to make me see. Now I can.

Hekate Einalia's huge waves crash through deep denial.

In integrating what Hekate Einalia is bringing up for me, an entire old paradigm is breaking apart. Totally smashing to pieces, like shattered mirrors.

Hekate is strict with me and will demand my complete integrity, which means 100% loyalty to my own soul and the willingness to see beyond the surface of things. She didn't even let me share Her secrets with my Twin Flame. My Twin has to either evolve or She will literally allow him to drop dead and I am not able to interfere with that - not with his free will, nor with Her stern gaze upon him.

She not only ends all codependency with my Twin, She also ends all codependency with a doomed civilization.

She is Holy Darkness and it has taken me a while to fully accept the extent of Her fearsome nature. The more I accept what I'm really feeling and sensing from Hekate Einalia, the more I find clarity, peace, and a restored, private connection to Hekate.

The Inner Twin Flame Temple

As more and more Twin Flames come into true Harmonious Union, a new consciousness grid is being built and fortified all over the planet, bringing in light all over earth. While I have talked a lot about how dark and painful it is to do the work that raises the planet’s frequency, and how destructive that process is and will continue to be, the fact also remains that we are calling in something good. We are going through a terrifying forging fire, something so destructive that it can kill initiates, to finally know pure unconditional love.

Healing ancestral lines, coming out of ancient collective patterns of dysfunction, correcting deep imbalances of masculine and feminine energies, and clearing the energetic field of abuse...this is all really hard stuff. We must be gentle with ourselves as we walk through this fire. We didn't know how much darkness lay waiting in the basement of our consciousness. We had no idea what we signed up for when we started this journey - and had we known ahead of time, we likely would've just said, "No thank you" and turned away from the path!

We are talking about the ascension of human marriage here. A totally new relationship template. Life on the New Earth is almost unimaginable outside the cage of illusions our minds have been trapped in for centuries, so moving towards that unfamiliar harmony looks like chaos, destruction, loss, and confusion. 

Gaining entry to this New Earth is an inside job. Look within. Hidden away in this secret inner paradise, far away from prying eyes and the curses of dark spirits, is the secret blessed temple of Harmonious Twin Flame Union. Entry to this mysterious, shrouded Twin Flame temple is guarded by a secret gate within you.

Even in the darkest moments of this Underworld journey, I have been able to maintain awareness of this inner Twin Flame temple, even if the magical assault I was under meant that the gate was latched tight, for my own protection. And it is reassuring that this inner temple knows how to guard itself. No matter how terrifying the Underworld journey is (read the accounts of some Qliphoth pathworkers - it's like that), this holy, consecrated space remains untouched. It is guarded by Love.

The inner Twin Flame temple, where Harmonious Union lives eternally, is the well from which the baptismal waters of Heaven on Earth spring up. Powers, blessings, and love that we dream of. The romantic innocence of our sacred relationship, untouched by the sabotages of worldly people. A way of life that has been lost to time. This hidden temple is a home where you and your Twin dwell together in eternal romance and peace, supported with everything necessary for your Union to thrive.

This home-temple also holds ancient rituals and practices from a long lost oral tradition that was completely erased from history - because the history we know today was written by the victors. Everything that was erased - texts on Twin Flames from libraries burned long ago, oral transmissions from Twin Flame lineages that died out without a trace - is kept safe in that inner Twin Flame temple. Everything that they stole from us is still there, capable of being restored. It is real.

Our true lineage is there. Our true home, where the love between Twin Flames is honored. That same love which spooks this world of separation so much, is instead celebrated and welcomed with marigold garlands in the inner Twin Flame temple. Harmonious Twin Flame Union is normalized there, not pathologized.

But the hidden gate is closed until we find the key through shadow work and through embracing the Divine in our body. Sometimes the key to opening this hidden gate is throwing black magic until you reach such a high vibration that black magic is no longer necessary. That is the paradoxical path of the Underworld journey that must be walked backwards into Heaven.

To reach this well-guarded inner Twin Flame temple, you are called to walk the path of personal power, love and life purpose in whatever direction that road takes you. There is no way to enter the Mysteries otherwise. And it doesn't matter how long it takes you, the inner temple isn't going anywhere and you'll always have it. This sacred oasis of Harmonious Twin Flame Union is eternal and untouched by outside changes, because it exists in unity with God/Presence.

You must dig for the buried treasure. And you must do it without any social validation, finding the motivation within to seek your spiritual liberation for your own sake. Because nothing less than total freedom would truly satisfy you at the soul level.

It is only inner work that unlocks Heaven on Earth inside yourself. As Rumi said, "Uncover in silence your soul's own rose garden."

Kali's Grace

"I want to invite you to drop any notions of having to get it right, be a good student, or perfect anything. Dropping these unnecessary shells is part of the journey towards Kālī. Fall in love instead, be the lover."

― In Praise of Adya Kali

Light is not cheaply gained

So many lightworkers and dissociated love-and-light-ers get excited about the Lion's Gate portal every year on August 8th. Or any time they think they can download "stellar codes". Just look at all the starseed garbage out there, which is as diluted, twisted, commodified and wrong as most Twin Flame information is. I see people doing a portal ceremony for the collective on the Lion's Gate portal every year, and I truly just think it's all marketing and delusion. Either they're not connecting to Sirius at all, or they're calling in a Tower moment for the collective.

Hekate is associated with the Dog Star, the very same Sirius that everyone gets so excited to call in every year on August 8th. However, there is a reason why the ancients considered Sirius to be potentially baleful and dangerous. The Dog Star's light does not come so cheaply.

Many people associate Hekate with The Moon card, which is perfectly valid. However, I associate Her strongly with the dynamic of The Tower and The Star. She is Herself the Dog Star, and She is also the Underworld power that brings destruction.

There is a reason why The Star, the 17th Trump, comes after The Tower in the Major Arcana. The Tower has to be broken down first before The Star's light can shine through. This is not just about a peaceful "let go of what no longer serves you". That's more of a 6 of Swords energy. The Tower is complete, bone-deep destruction. It can leave generations of trauma. It's the kind of thing that can't be given a positive spin at all while it's happening. In order for the Dog Star's light to illuminate human consciousness and bring Heaven on Earth and Harmonious Twin Flame Union for all, it's going to have to bring a kind of apocalyptic destruction.

That is certainly what's happening in my life. 

Make It Your Own

Remember, there is no Twin Flame dogma and no single energy model to describe how Two Lovers recognize that they were always One. Don't let popular but insane beliefs distort your soul's path to Harmonious Twin Flame Union. Including the insane belief that Twin Flames are not supposed to be in physical Union, or that "the Twin Flame energy can come through anyone when you connect to your higher self." 

These are limiting beliefs based on a profound sense of unworthiness, and you don't have to take on those beliefs on as your reality. The "twin flame" collective is built and fed by unworthiness. It wants to keep you in separation.

And the cosmology you experience on the way doesn't have to match what the "twin flame" collective believes in. I don't work with the Violet Flame, ascended masters, or angels. My Twin Flame path is Sri Vidya and Hekatean Witchcraft. A dark healing path of chthonic sorcery. Yours might be something else. Owning that is a necessary part of your empowerment.

Earlier this year I did a self-initiation ritual with the Goddess Hekate. There's a ritual in Besom, Stang & Sword called Stepping Onto The Crooked Path which I adapted, along with the self initiation from Keeping Her Keys and an adaptation of the 9-Day Rite from The Hekataeon. I made it about stepping onto my soul's unique magical path with the goddess Hekate, not in slave-like dedication to Her, and in the context of how and why She came to me in the first place: women's mysteries, reclamation and Harmonious Twin Flame Union.

The result I got was a sort of purging of my body, or inner purification. I think the rite released some psychic damage that was done by initiations I had received before. It drew back power that I had given to gurus and plugged me directly into the Source of that power.

Afterwards I was literally re-introduced, on an inner/astral level, to the Sri Vidya tradition that I had once relied on a guru to teach me. This time, Twin Flame Sri Vidya.

This was a major step towards sovereignty after a long time of mental imprisonment. Not the "final" step by a long stretch, but a very important breakthrough. Yours might not look like this, but it is important that you walk in the direction of your soul's truth, however that looks.

Kali's Mercy

What sets aside a revolution as sacred is when it comes at a time when genuine transformation rather than superficial change is possible. Change takes courage. We have to be willing to let go of what we have known, and bear uncertainty, whilst we explore new possibilities and eventually evolve into a new way of being. Even with that willingness there are times when a pattern of the past has become so lodged in the psyche that gentle evolution is not possible. You could imagine it like a person screaming in unnecessary panic. You may try talking to them in soothing tones, but if they are about to jump in a car and drive away, putting themselves and others in mortal danger, then a sharp slap might be in order to snap them out of hysteria and into the present moment. It’s extreme but it’s helpful and necessary.

― Goddess Kali And Black Obsidian card, from the Crystal Mandala Oracle by Alana Fairchild

When Kali raises Her hand some people interpret the mudra as, "Fear not." I interpret it as, "PLEASE STOP SCREAMING. IT'S FINE."

That's where I am these days. Flailing in genuine terror and genuine gratitude as the fierce mercy of The Tower card enters my entire reality.

Gentle evolution is not possible right now. Graceful ego death is not possible right now. Sometimes shit is messy and terrifying, and there is collateral damage and illogical madness as Kali demolishes everything. Everything.

A World of False Light

"It’s not the darkness that scares me. It’s the darkness hiding behind the light. It’s the shadow camouflaged as transparency. It’s the manipulations hiding behind a smiley-faced emoji. It’s the ambition feigning as altruism. It’s not the darkness that scares me. It’s the lie."

― Humanifestations: On Trauma, Truth, and Transformation

The Huntress found Her prey.

In a dream I had last night, I saw Hekate (or was it Artemis?) closing in on Her prey.

Someone's stolen tiara is falling in the forest. Someone is sweating. Someone is afraid that they will lose what they stole. 

Someone is begging Her to call off the dogs.

Someone trembles at the sight of Her and Her horde. They never thought this day of reckoning would come.

The game is up. The illusion is seen through.

At the Dark Maiden's Crossroads

"One of the mysteries of the path is that we can’t know in advance what it will be like to live our lives without our conditioned ways of seeing the world. If our lenses of perception are cleansed it’s like we’re naked and newborn. This is the archetype of birth, or rebirth, which can be simultaneously thrilling and terrifying, and almost always contradictory."

― Matt Licata

Kleidoukhos

Something very huge is changing. A total paradigm shift in ways that are truly impossible to put into words.

Hekate Kleidoukhos has the power to grant you a mystical Key. I am experiencing that Key being given to me right now and nothing makes sense.

I have spoken before briefly about a Guardian at the Threshold who holds the boundaries of my reality. This threshold guardian is also a being that I describe as a Keeper of Secrets - mystical secrets, not the dirty secrets of the elite that Pluto unravels. (Though they are related! And it's interesting that I wrote that, because Pluto returns to Capricorn for the last time in my lifetime in a couple of weeks...)

The point is, I am passing a dangerous threshold. I don't think I have ever approached such a critical spiritual threshold.

I have sometimes even wondered if the threshold guardian is also a form of Hekate Herself, being as She is a guardian of crossroads and gateways. It doesn't matter. In Her role as Keeper of the Keys, now Hekate Kleidoukhos is...granting me access.

Every time I try to type what I really want to say, I end up deleting it.

It's frustrating to not be able to talk about it, because I need to express my voice and this is such a lonely and terrifying journey, but apparently there are things I can't talk about. And more importantly, I don't fully understand yet what is happening (and maybe I never will), so yeah. The Keeper of the Keys is an initiatrix and...not at all what you expect.

Twin Flame Initiate

 "The rules are being rewritten."

― my Twin Flame's higher self

For a while now I've been liberating myself from spiritual distortions masquerading as the rules of the universe. But it's going to a whole new level now and sometimes I feel crazy.

Not only is your Twin Flame Union totally unique, your relationship with God is so unique that you are actually uniting with a different God from everyone else's God, in a different universe from everyone else's universe. Literally.

Nobody shares your Heavenly kingdom except your Twin Flame. You two have a unique frequency.

Twin Flame teachers will not be able to fully guide you into that new universe, because they want you to stay in their reality. They can have this blind spot even if they are in Harmonious Union...because that's their Harmonious Union, not yours! And each Harmonious Union is not only its own castle, it's actually its own universe.

Be discerning and know when it's time to move on from your Twin Flame coach, even if that person or couple really helped you. Because they might subconsciously try to keep you small because that's very lucrative for them, and they also can't even recognize your bigness. Your true Twin Flame frequency is alien to theirs on the deepest level because that's how this path is. Each Twin Flame pair shares a soul blueprint with each other that nobody else "gets", not even other Twin Flame pairs.

Your Twin Flame coach or teacher might get so triggered by the foreign frequency of your true soul blueprint that they'll project onto it and call it shadow, when in fact it's the unique Light that you and your Twin Flame are meant to share together.

It could also be that there are mental constructs and concepts that were core to a certain level of Twin Flame work, but which no longer apply to you because you've "graduated" from them. Maybe those mental constructs and concepts were a useful ladder you climbed to a higher vibration - and now, do you still need the ladder?

Maybe the teacher thinks you do, because holding onto their ladder after you've climbed it keeps you a paying client. But the path of Twin Flame ascension is nuanced, and in order to progress you have let go of a teaching long after its done its job. Sometimes you outgrow a vehicle of ascension because you not only need a new vehicle, you now need a vehicle with a different type of engine that runs on a different type of fuel.

When you can't see the block

"Surrender it the moment it floats up, the moment you glimpse it. Surrender everything the moment you become aware. Even if you think you are certain you know what to do."

― my Twin Flame's higher self

I am again and again giving up trying to figure things out. Learning to surrender when I can't see the way forward or make sense of the disintegration, the letting go, the emerging new consciousness and the dying old self.

I'm also having the disorienting experience of trying to do divination through timelines. I am moving through such huge vibrational shifts that my cards can't see through them until they happen.

Your intuition breaks down as you leave the Matrix. The intuition has been running on old programming, filtering through a closed, self-contained reality that doesn't actually encompass ALL of reality.

Sometimes all I can do is just stay with the exact feelings and trust the intelligence of my body. It's when I try to understand it or plan ahead that I get tangled up.

And sometimes I get caught in traps anyway. This is a messy, horrifying death of a nightmare reality, and dealing with blowback from abusive people who are enraged by my healing is unavoidable.

I have no idea what comes next - no ability to even divine what comes next, which is new to me - and that is terrifying.

When the Divine Mother told me that the Tower would crash this summer, She wasn't kidding. 

Harmonious Union is another universe

I have to be careful of what I say here, because this could be interpreted in a psychological way. The truth is no therapeutic model can explain this.

Love cannot exist in a sick paradigm of separation consciousness, narcissism, and soul-rape.

In order to leave that sick paradigm of separation consciousness, narcissism, and soul-rape, entire inner personality facets die off and sometimes it feels like an old self is dying so a new self can be born. In my case, I can feel my Twin Flame connection getting stronger inside my heart, while on the outside the trauma bonds between him and I are dying off. Ancient trauma bonds that go back to the moment when the Divine Father and Divine Mother of all creation turned into God and Satan.

This is the end of ancient enmeshment so that soul individuation can occur - and that is the sacred division that needs to happen before Twin Flames merge in Harmonious Union.

My Twin Flame and I are going through opposite but complementary initiation processes. His involves giving away power and descending, while mine involves claiming power and ascending. And that is just one, very small way to describe it.

Hekate will retreat from me if I share Her magical secrets with my Twin. While Hekate supports Twin Flame Union, it's also true that She does not support my Twin Flame at his current vibration. 

I am going through a separate initiation process with Her, and my Twin Flame is not invited to the Divine Feminine's mysteries. That is Her strict rule. She will not initiate me if I cannot keep Her mysteries secret - because my Twin has to grow up before he is welcomed inside Hekate's temple. I can either have my Divine Feminine awakening, or I can have a confining, codependent trauma bond with my Twin.

I can either claim my power as a Hekatean Divine Feminine, or I can give up my birthright and make myself small for a man, as Arwen did for Aragorn.

And yet there is another universe - a universe where my Twin and I are fully equal in spiritual power. That is the universe of Harmonious Twin Flame Union, and this is the part that is difficult to talk about.

There is occult phenomena that happens when one universe is dying and another universe is being born. Weird time shit. The breaking of scientific laws. The experience of clashing rules of reality, almost as if the God that created one universe is in conflict with the God that created another universe, and their laws don't go together.

If you know you know.

There is also grief, letting go, loss of meaning, and the death of identity on many levels.

This path is real, but it's also insane.

Prostistos

The Dark Maiden is the Primordial One. Everlasting, without beginning or end and beyond space and time. The true Alpha and Omega.

She is Prostistos, The Very First. 

The Original from whose waters all other, increasingly complex spiritualities evolved. The Undifferentiated Blackness before individuation and creation. The dazzling black light at the center, before false masks were fused to our faces and created a false Matrix. 

Hekate Prostistos is our First Love. The First Love that happened long ago, in an ancient time beyond memory.

We also know Her in our Mitochondrial Eve. In the first division of the ovum. In our soul blueprint. In our original innocence before we took on shame and blame and the illusion of sin or reincarnation.

I feel enormous grief when I connect to Hekate Prostistos. She feels like starry purity and lost innocence. A primordial ancient goodness that is too pure for this corrupt world.

She feels like the ancient unity between my Twin Flame and I, before the demiurge and his archons tore us apart.

I see Her sometimes walking through a dark, primeval forest, breathing life into being.

Her womb is underground, in the Earth.

She is the Mother of Night who births creation from the abyss. 

She is Rising

For months and months, I have sensed a powerful Divine Feminine awakening to come this November. Not on a global scale, but certainly a real awakening for those of us on real Twin Flame journeys. The sleeping accursed Goddess, damned to Hell by the jealous demiurge, is coming back to life.

I have wanted to talk about how the Abrahamic story of God and the Devil is actually a Twin Flame story (arguably the original Twin Flame story - before Adam and Eve!), but I'm going through such huge healings and stressful situations in my life that I haven't had the energy to sit down and write it out.

But the truth is that in this patriarchal world, the true Divine Feminine is demonized. Her darkness frightens them, and Her ownership over Her own desire threatens their power. And so they deride Her as a jinn, as Shaytan, as anything other than the Goddess that She is. The scorned Holy Wife of the small man in the sky, who remains terrified of Her after all of these centuries.

She's coming back this November. At least, I see Her coming back within myself and for the small collective of Divine Feminines who are linked to me or following the same healing trajectory. November is itself a cauldron of transformation in which serious curse-breaking and change will take place.

And no, this isn't really connected to the U.S. presidential election or Kamala Harris. Whether Harris wins or not is irrelevant; she's a low vibrational karmic feminine who is motivated by greed, pride and selfishness. Kamala Harris has nothing to do with this. The Divine Feminine awakening I'm sensing in November is not related to consumerist feminism. It's much deeper, much wilder, and feels like an ancient dragon waking up.

I have not wanted to talk about it because I am going through this very dark initiation process...but Hekate told me to just say it because Hekate has been relentlessly confirming it for days now. The Infernal Divine Feminine is coming back this November.

She is taking Her throne back from the small man in the sky who usurped Her centuries ago, locked Her away in the Underworld, and stole Her spiritual technology for his own distorted religions.

Like Lilith taking her shit back from Adam and Eve. Like Bertha Mason taking back everything that Rochester and Jane Eyre robbed from her.

The Threshold Guardian

Harmonious Twin Flame Union is such a high vibration that there is serious danger in trying to access it before you're ready. And I'm not just talking about unhealed Twin Flames abusing each other (yes, that is a thing and that does happen). I'm talking about the high vibration of Twin Flame unity itself.

Have you heard the Kabbalistic tale of the four rabbis who entered the Pardes (the divine orchard)?

Basically, these four rabbis were great Kabbalists and ascended to the presence of God while still living. One rabbi looked at God and immediately died. Another rabbi looked at God went mad. Another rabbi looked at God and became destructive and arrogant. Only one, Rabbi Akiva, gazed upon God in peace and left in peace.

This is what Harmonious Union is. This is how high the stakes get when you ascend to the presence of God while in life, when you merge with your Twin Flame in Harmonious Twin Flame Union. (And even to describe it that way is misleading.)

Harmonious Twin Flame Union is sovereignty. It includes the entry of the Divine Feminine into sacred queenship, which is part of the initiation that I'm going through and some of it is insane.

Wisdom is granted with compassion, taking into account your readiness to handle it. You do not want to end up like the rabbi who dropped dead or the rabbi who went crazy. There are much more balanced ways to approach Harmonious Union. There are guardians, gates, filters and bridges that guide us and stop us along the way to protect us from ourselves.

Right now, I am unburdening and unbinding my heart on a level I have never done before. This processing work is agonizing and lonely and insane. Sometimes it is exhilarating. Always it tests my limits.

But I'd rather have it this way. I know what happens when spiritual seekers grasp for power before they are ready. I have seen people - including people who were on the ascension path but not on the Twin Flame journey - get torn apart.

At least this way I get to fall apart in an almost-but-not-really manageable way.

One More Year

The rotting old order of lies, energetic theft, energetic cloning, separation consciousness and greed has only one more year before shit hits the fan.

Much of it will start dying in 2025 - I am anticipating the deaths of several abusers in my personal life at that time, and have already been gifted with a few deaths this year - but 2026 will truly begin new life for us, and total destruction for them. The year 2026 will be a year of reclaiming what they stole from us on all levels. 

After 2025, their grace period finally runs out. Lies will be exposed. Heads will be chopped. Legacies built on scapegoats will lose their shine and crumble.

Over the course of 2025, major karmas will end and doors will close on the past. By 2026 you will no longer be their food. You will no longer be anyone's slave.

While my Twin Flame and I are healing a lot this year, cycles are still ending and many obstacles need to be destroyed for a foundation of Harmonious Union to be laid. I see more Twin Flame Unions coming together from late 2025 onwards.

The old world that thrives on separation has been standing in the way, and it needs to crumble. Their grand palaces of deceit and greed have only one more year to stand.

Already the ground is trembling under their feet. They can feel their ill-gotten power slipping away. They can feel that payment is due and they are panicking. They are about to be fried. They are about to not only fall, but fall so hard their bones will crack and the earth will shake, and entire towers will come crashing to the ground.

For those who can see, Fate is changing.

Everything comes with a sacrifice, with a price - absolutely everything. When you gain blessings through inner work and surrender, then the price is small...your ego. When you gain blessings through ego, the price is bigger. Much bigger.

So they have one more year. 2025 is all they've got now. Two more Christmases for them and then it's lights out. All that scheming and stealing and it just came down to this in the end. Hope you folks enjoyed your Devil's deal, because payment is due now and you won't enjoy this part at all.

Beware the ugly truth

"This constant lying is not aimed at making the people believe a lie, but at ensuring that no one believes anything anymore. A people that can no longer distinguish between truth and lies cannot distinguish between right and wrong. And such a people, deprived of the power to think and judge, is, without knowing and willing it, completely subjected to the rule of lies. With such a people, you can do whatever you want."

― Hannah Arendt

There is an inner part of me that is feral, wise and totally abandoned in the Underworld. She has warned me many times: "You have no idea how deep the rot goes. Your idealism is going to get us killed."

And I have been repeatedly shown how deep it goes. It's staggering. It's treacherous to the point of being mentally destabilizing. It's unbearably evil and disgusting.

It's dark enough to make you want to die. Evil enough to make you forget Love.

It hides. Lurks under the surface of conscious awareness, poisoned by the lies that our society doesn't want to acknowledge.

Beware your denial. Beware the terror that makes you want to run away from the disillusionment.

The only way we can move forward is to let our hearts break, to face the darkness without trying to create a story about it. This is what real ascension into the higher frequencies looks like. It looks like disillusionment, loss, sudden jealousy from people you never expected it from, the destruction of old ideas and dreams, and the exposure of ugly realities that were previously hidden by pretty, pretty lies.

The Matrix is pure deception.

Born From Blood

The birth of Heaven on Earth is going to be violent. It's going to be bittersweet. When we talk about a phoenix rising from the ashes, we don't talk about the silent grief of the ashes. Or the burning that came before it.

The vision of a 5D utopia has become so, so distorted by the mainstream New Cage community. Heaven on Earth is not really born as a community, it's born in individual lives through blood and sacrifice, and then it's experienced silently and humbly, without fanfare.

It's born through unsettling destruction on a wide scale, as world power built on separation consciousness disintegrates. It's very scary even when you know you're watching the righteous destruction of the unclean, polluted soul-rapers and their pyramid of lies.

It shatters the heart open.

Heaven on Earth comes to each of us in its own time, it's not one big global event. I also believe that Kali Yuga ends for each of us according to our own timeline - it's not measured by the cycles of human civilization but rather each soul's unique timeline.

We are each led to our own unique Paradise.

Heaven on Earth is slowly, painfully birthing for me and it's terrifying. It requires the total destruction of everything.

The Womb Path

Over years of hard work, I have uncovered sensation and emotion-based memories of my birth, and a felt-sense of the hospital. There were some dark energies in that hospital, and that plus the interaction of many other karmas - my ancestral karma in a family of extremely abusive people, my land karma with the rather haunted city I was born in, etc - all created a perfect setting for an abuse pattern to develop in my life.

Healing the womb is traumatic and shows you the deep inner ugliness in all women. The deep fraud in the false sisterhood.

It can be shattering, but this is the darkness we have to move through to know wholeness again. There are many good teachings for accessing and releasing womb trauma - an affordable and excellent option is Yoni Shakti: A Woman's Guide to Power and Freedom through Yoga and Tantra by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli.

You can also call on Hekate Eileithyia.

Beware: real changes will happen in your life, and they won't always be pretty. In my case, healing the womb created huge upheaval with other women.

Here's something I wrote in my diary a couple years while going through a stage of womb healing:

Why do they repeatedly shut down my rage? That too, in a WOMEN'S circle where rage is the point? Why do they lie and gaslight me, only for Spirit to prove that my memory was 100% correct? Why do they shut me down and Bind my voice when I ask questions that make them uneasy? Why do they try to distract me when I'm trying to recall deep truths in my heart? Why don't they want to discuss my reclamation and my soul retrieval when reclamation and soul retrieval are what they teach?

It's like how the hospital of my birth was a virtue-signalling woke zone on the surface, but treated me like utter shit.

Every concept these women champion loudly and publicly, they stamp down in me.
Every spiritual practice they repeatedly, daily, endlessly argue for on every Internet platform they have, they discourage me from practicing.
Everything they say they do, they don't want me to do.
Every inquiry they encourage, they don't want me to inquire.
Every value they encourage in each other REPEATEDLY, they angrily discourage in me.

There is a cleverly hidden, insidious fraud going on. There is a Demonic Femininity that masquerades very convincingly as the Divine Feminine. It goes back to my earliest memories.  

Every circle of enlightened women (!!!!) has been harvesting my energy and trying to steal from me just like those high school girls did. And they deceive, obfuscate, distract, and even blatantly shut me down in order to prevent me from escaping their convenient trap. I am the dirty secret that women don't want to acknowledge, the shame and fuel of their Omelas. I am the uncomfortable lie holding up their incredibly convincing facade. 

This is why they brainwash you, this is why your soul was screaming that even these women's groups have an agenda, and you either get in line with the "group energy" or you get out. Do you know what that is? An epic pattern of spiritual bypassing.  

There are false light women teachers running rampant. There are Demonic Feminines running amok on Earth, at the highest and most respected levels of spiritual teaching. It's STUNNING and heartbreaking.  

These women don't support other women unless they get to control them. Unless they get to control the narrative. These women abuse in secret, targeting female victims who won't speak out and won't be believed, and carry on their rampage of destruction and soul-theft while braying on social media about their soul retrieval teachings.  

Most crushingly, these are women who once inspired me, taught me, and gave me the tools and the knowledge to elevate myself out of the muck.  

I can't even access my anger. I mostly just feel utterly disillusioned and heartbroken. I doubt myself a lot, which is outrageous. In truth, I am the shame that nobody can bear to acknowledge. I am the sin that they have avoided looking at for a long, long time, and profited hugely from in the process. I am their hypocrisy. I am the inconvenient truth that breaks their elaborate game. They would much, much rather have me kill myself. Better I die rather than the truth come out.

Fun fact, this is the shadow side of Lilith's archetype that most Divine Feminine teachers will never acknowledge. My womb healing journey was well underway when Roe v. Wade was overturned. Although I'm obviously pro-choice, a very curious thing happened around that time.

The night before SCOTUS overturned the constitutional right to abortion, I could feel another layer of my mother wound getting healed. I felt the binding, restricting curse on my throat chakra (where once my bio-mother's umbilical cord had choked me) lift. I felt something parasitic release from my womb chakra. 

My body was healing, as if it was being allowed to finally experience life. 

As if something that had been cruelly aborted...was finally being allowed to be reborn.

My Twin Flame's higher self came to me in a dream that night and we made love in a secret astral location that is meaningful to both of us.

I woke up the next morning to the news that Roe v. Wade had been reversed. Intellectually, I knew it was evil and wrong. Energetically, though, I felt the weight of a curse lift from me. 

I felt the shadow aspect of Lilith loosen a murderous grip that she's had over me for my entire life.

While I agreed with the panic and anger that women expressed at the news, I also saw something disquieting. An undercurrent that I could feel and sense, but knew better than to say out loud: they were angry and panicked because I had released a karma with them. They were triggered because they couldn't energetically rape and kill me anymore, as they had for lifetimes.

The very same women who were angry about abortion rights were unconsciously, secretly angry that they could no longer use me as an enslaved energy source as in The Handmaid's Tale...because I was the enslaved source of their fertility power, and aborted as a sacrifice to maintain their wombs for them.

As I began to recover and reclaim the fertility power they had stolen from me so self-righteously, they suddenly began to weep and wail about being enslaved like in The Handmaid's Tale...exactly as they, acting for years as Serena Waterford, had grown accustomed to enslaving me.

I saw the mask covering the Demonic Feminine's murderous face slip. I saw the Demonic Feminine's narcissistic rage, her fear of being treated as she had treated me.

And that's the kind of politically incorrect mindfuck that womb healing brings. It's not a feminist path when labels like feminism can be appropriated by ego. It's the path of the Divine Feminine. 

Eileithyia

An unborn spiritual child has many of the same needs as a physical child. It requires enormous energy to birth yourself anew, and even for a childfree woman like me this process is heavily connected to my womb. Through years of intense inner work, the Divine Child is being formed exactly like a fetus and it is a process that is strenuous, dangerous, terrifying. It requires a lot of energy to fuel the Divine Child's growth and nourishment. To redirect the life force from energy leaks, old patterns and parasitic soul contracts into surrender, authenticity, and life purpose. All of this literally creates a soul rebirth through the womb. If the rebirth process has begun and you stop doing the shadow work, this Divine Child gets destroyed.

I'm still birthing my higher self into this physical world.

It involves initiatory ordeals so intense and dark that I sometimes am just at a loss for words. What can I even say? 

As just one example: I have discovered demons in my womb, siphoning my life force. And I feel I can't publicly say a whole lot more than that.

The high vibrational spiritual pregnancy known as Light Conception is absolutely NOT a fairytale.

Everyone talks about rebirthing work, but nobody talked to me about how fucking dark and evil it can be. Now I know why some people report feeling suicidal while being rebirthed in life/facing birth trauma and womb trauma.

This level of purging and letting go is beyond anything I thought would be expected of me, but I have no choice but to do the inner work. Birthing yourself into a new world brings out a fierce self-love in you, the fierce love of a divine mother birthing her divine child. And as that happens many things die, so those deaths can feed the spiritual rebirth. It's so traumatic that I should be dead, frankly. And over the past few years I almost did die several times, and so did my future self/spiritual infant. It's so brutal to do this alone that I can't quite describe the spiritual trauma I have now. My rebirth process is traumatizing.

Yet there are also moments of magic, wonder, and miracles as I am reborn in stages even while the rest of my old self is dying.

I know Hekate Eileithyia in that unsteady rebirth feeling. Each moment where I felt like I was going to die, and then I was born. Each time I integrated and was like a new stranger to myself.

Hekate Eileithyia is the sacred midwife who stewards the holy rebirth of Self. She knows the mysteries of the Divine Child, of being "twice-born". Her cave, representing the womb, was once honored by the Minoans. This primordial birthing void, and the experience of second birth, is the first true religion of humankind.

The process of birthing my spiritual self through my womb connects me to the Womb in the Earth, almost as if an umbilical cord of light connects me and anchors me to the land. The Earth Womb is very connected to the concept of the Underworld, and facilitates the scapegoat's return to innocence.

The human womb is the original cauldron of all witchcraft. It is a black portal into infinite space that can create galaxies and rebirth your soul into being. 

This aspect of the Great Divine Mother is so, so huge. Connecting to my womb was the first time I directly had the darshan of Kali. And in this rebirth process I not only experience Hekate as Eileithyia, but as the great Cybele.

Something very ancient and pure is enshrined in a woman's womb, but purging my womb space to hold that divine power is extremely painful. There is grief and trauma in there that goes back into ancestral garbage, past life stuff, and also specifically the deep trauma of separation from my Twin Flame. All of this is related to the anti-Life paradigm of transcendence, dissociation, and rejection of Matter in favor of Spirit.

Clearing these traumas and demonic energies from the womb is not exactly safe. It is literal death and rebirth. 

The sacred Egg must be guarded carefully, because its sanctity is not even recognized in a world of patriarchy. A Japanese movie from 1985, "Angel's Egg", depicts how dangerous this process is and how easily the Divine Child can be killed.

The Divine Child can only be birthed through a cleansed womb, and you can be dragged to the edge of death if that is what it takes to purify you. And by "purify", I don't mean adherence to an external moral code. It's actually the opposite! You are purified of societal and cultural programming, including external moral codes and everything that has bound up the Divine Feminine in chains. Everything that has prevented a return to wildness, freedom and true innocence. This is the true price of your second birth.

The inner journey into this chamber of rebirth can be unbelievably lonely. It can isolate you from everyone in your previous life, exactly as if that previous life is undergoing physical death. 

Birthing the Self is messy and painful.

A few aspects of the womb journey with Hekate are indirectly described in Entering Hekate's Cave: The Journey Through Darkness to Wholeness, which I recommend buying second hand because the author has stopped doing her shadow work and is harming people. The book does not describe womb healing or the powers of Hekate Eileithyia (or Her ancient cave worship), but the material in there is relevant.

The womb space is in fact Hekate's cave. The dark watery caves are representative of the chthonic womb, where light and space are restricted so that the seeker is forced to look inwards.

It's a process that is not recognizable in our world of logic and politically correct spirituality. And maybe it can never truly be made socially acceptable or politically correct. It is a path of rewilding, so it will always lead you away from civilization. Maybe the doorway of the Womb will always need to be a mystery.

Dhumavati's Holy Rage

I was doing a vicious spell with Dhumavati. It involved the destruction of lies, corruption, vanity, greed, and the emancipation of my caged self.

It involved invoking the wrath of the Smoky One of the crossroads, forests and cremation grounds, with Her winnowing basket and Her baleful glare.

It involved tears and offerings and rage.

My laptop turned on by itself and began playing Tracy Chapman's "Talkin' About A Revolution". I wept with broken gratitude.

Later I found out that one of my soul-rapers died not long after the Dhumavati ritual.

May all vampires know Her wrath. May the creators of scapegoats know the terror of seeing Her face. May all soul-stealers know the futility of begging Her forgiveness. May all evil-doers learn to dread the sight of Her crows.

May they find nowhere to run.

May She grant me the blessing of hearing their screams of fear as She hunts them down.

May She come for them all.

Harmonious Twin Flame Union is not a fucking joke.

This is a purification and death process unlike anything most people could ever anticipate.

Harmonious Twin Flame Union is not just a psychologically balanced relationship between Twin Flames. It's kind of like attaining Mantra Siddhi of the One Devi. In some Western traditions, it's kind of like attaining Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel. (There are no exact equivalences though - these are all ultimately separate paths.)

What's essentially happening is a very high frequency dissolution of the illusion of separation - while, at the same time, grounded individuation in the human form. It has nothing to do with your Twin Flame, although my Twin and I are slowly re-uniting. But it still has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PHYSICAL TWIN FLAME.

This entire process has nothing to do with wanting your Twin, it has nothing to do with anything of that sort. This is driven by one motive: you want your soul and you want God. You know you cannot live without God/Love.

And there no way to avoid facing the utter darkness that stands between you and God. There is no romanticism here, no high ideals, even though this is the path to the highest ideal of them all with the greatest Lover of them all.

This is a dangerous ego death with no external savior to help you. The safety is off, the training wheels are gone, and you will face the full malevolence of the "Matrix" as you fight to leave it.

Nobody wants to talk openly about what really fucking happens on this path to Harmonious Twin Flame Union, so I will give a glimpse of what can happen.

You will be attacked by abusive spirits who want to siphon your energy, cage you and imprison you, feed off of you, and destroy you. You will uncover demonic possessions inside yourself and inside your Twin Flame. You will know the horror of seeing your otherworldly Twin Flame love being eaten - yes, eaten - by parasitic spirits. You will experience betrayal and abandonment on levels that cannot be believed. You will uncover dark truths about humanity that cannot be believed. You will uncover dark truths about the False "God" that cannot be believed. You will experience murder attempts (yes, I have experienced murder attempts - to the point where I am barely even surprised anymore). Torture. Death. The most skillfully orchestrated sabotage and destruction imaginable, almost as if your life is a plot.

You and your Twin will play out archetypal themes from mythology and religion, and I don't mean that in a psychological sense. You and your Twin will actually, literally, for real REAL play out archetypal themes from mythology and religion.

And sometimes the Light is more terrifying than the Evil. Back when I still had a Sri Yantra on my altar, there was one night when Anandamayi Ma appeared in the Sri Yantra. She emanated such a bright, pure Light that I squeezed my eyes shut in terror. It felt unsafe to look at such Light. Her sweet voice was the exact same voice I had once heard the night before my initiation into Sri Vidya - the voice of Tripura Sundari.

It filled me with fear.

Since then, my Twin Flame and I have had to battle very dark spirits. Murderous fae, predatory hungry ghosts, imposter spirits, curses and false gods. Shocking evil in human beings. Everything that is Not Love.

You are not ready for it. There is no way to be "ready" for it and there is no skill set or spiritual mastery that can minimize these risks or make the torture and horror go away. 

If you really want Harmonious Union, prepare to have everything inside you and outside you get burned down in savage, unforgiving, politically incorrect ways that don't match the glib "teachings" of candy cane spirituality and the so-called benevolence of the universe. Prepare for upheaval that doesn't match the dogmatic, diluted, distorted and policed teachings about Kundalini awakening.

This is a free fall into the abyss.

This is Judgment. 

This is the death in life before your physical death.

The path to Harmonious Twin Flame Union is a lonely one.

"Remember what I told you. If they hated me, they will hate you."

― Sinead O'Connor

People will not applaud you when you reach higher states of consciousness. They will pathologize your healing and attempt to sabotage and suppress your awakening, because they have to bring you down before you vibe out of their reality...before consequences come down on them. Consequences for their years of abuse and jealousy.

The way the old reality has been responding to my ascending vibration is insane and disheartening (literally insane - as I'm leaving that timeline, people are insisting they had memories of me a week ago or a month ago that actually never happened), and it's not all love and light.

As I'm also reaching and purging a core abandonment wound, people are attempting to shut down that healing process - often using the same sabotaging patterns of behavior that have been employed against me all of my life.

The Twin Flame ascension path is not all love and light.

Sometimes it seems that the closer we come to the inner God, the more disillusioned we become by everything and everyone else.

On the importance of black magic on the ascension path

One of the consequences of this curse (which has been with me from childhood but only revealed itself as an actual, literal curse once I began actively fighting it and trying to heal) is arrested development and delayed adulthood.

Trying to heal within a structure of sabotage, abuse, manipulation, deceit, and expertly hidden covert abuse has actually given me disabilities where I had none. Left me with brain damage and serious trauma.

All of my attempts to deeply heal with shadow work were expertly sabotaged, as I've described before on this blog. I was actively prevented from healing. Interfered with so expertly that it gives me chills to even think about it.

Living under coercive control for so long, and never having had the chance to develop and actually heal, has meant that I had never had a chance. Never given the footing I needed to stand on my own.

It has taken enormous willpower and strength to avoid simply moving from one abusive, controlling situation to another. I have been hounded on all sides by abuse, by covert narcissists eager to prey on my collapsed, disabled, vulnerable body.

One of the things that has saved my life - literally, actually, saved my life - was learning black magic. And I think it's important for all disabled or otherwise marginalized people to learn black magic.

Most of the criticism of this work comes from privileged people who have never actually been under a curse like mine. They have no idea what it's like to be prevented from doing shadow work. They have no idea what God is outside their distorted, privileged bubble of able-bodied 5D frequency bliss.

If a woman in an Afghanistan village was given the instructions to Bagalamukhi spellcasting and sadhana right now, you can bet she would ask Bagalamukhi to do what Bagalamukhi does best: violence.

A peasant Afghan woman doesn't need stillness or forgiveness, and she doesn't have the safety or support she would need for her nervous system to relax enough to actually purge karma. There is no safe holding container for her to do shadow work.

She. Needs. Abusers. Dead. She needs to be physically safe. She needs to not be surrounded by glaring men with fists and guns. She needs to not be raped in her bed tonight. She needs protection NOW.

What do you think Bagalamukhi would do if a disadvantaged, trapped, powerless woman in Afghanistan called on Her help? Do you think She would smile benevolently, wave Her mace like a fairy wand, and bring peace and good tidings to all the Taliban fighters in that village?

Fuck no. Bagalamukhi would answer this hypothetical Afghan woman's plea with savage ferocity. The men around that woman would suddenly find their lives and health falling apart. They might die, if that was what it took. Bagalamukhi would respond to an inherently unjust system with the only language that a polluted society with structural inequity understands: violence.

America isn't as different from Afghanistan as we'd like to believe. For those of us who are disabled or chronically ill, this country's increasingly psychotic greed and capitalist selfishness, and the increasingly naked psychopathy of our two-party system, is closing us in our coffins. The U.S. is a rarity among developed nations in that it refuses to support universal healthcare. Tax money that should be helping people like me is instead being spent on foreign wars or actual genocides.

If not for being able to learn black magic, I would quite literally be dead. I would not be alive to write this blog post. Black magic has kept me fed and kept a roof over my head. 

Black magic is violence. This occult violence the only language that this hateful, evil capitalist system understands, when it comes to my right to stay alive.

The curse that I am under is not completely broken and I may never completely recover or reclaim my lost adulthood, but every time I own my rage I take one more shaky step towards freedom. A freedom that this corrupt system never wanted me to have.

Ascension is self-love. Self-love looks like being a troublemaker when you live in a dystopian society.

Outlaw

O Anointrix of Kings, Kallah Messiah

Bride of Christ, Apostle of Asherah

Your womb blood is the sacrifice

The baptism

And the cleansing of all sin

You are Christ the Redeemer

Who breaks the shackles of our shame

As you broke yours

You are the Christ of Ecstasy and Grail Mother

The Light-Bringer Mary Lucifera

Whose body is the Tree of Life

Merciful Sophia, liberate us

From the chains of self-sacrifice

Hidden One, Secret One

Resurrect us into new life

On the Ankh Cross of Isis

Bless us, Savioress

Heretic Qadisha

Renegade Rose

Scapegoated Saint

Rebel of the Gospels

Holy Shekinah!

Hail to the Feminine Christ!

Hail to the Holy Grail!

All glory to you, Miriam of Magdala, Jewel of Galilee!

Today is the feast day of Mary Magdalene, she who was known as "hamartolos" during her lifetime - outlaw, sinner, criminal. Note that her feast day falls on the 22nd of July - 22 is a symbol of Twin Flame Union.

All of our saints are heretics and outlaws, just like modern true Twin Flames.

I wasn't going to post anything for Mary Magdalene's feast day, because I don't deal with her regularly (the work we did in 2023 was enough, I thought), and in fact repeatedly tried to avoid posting this. But she made it very clear that she wanted this up.

She says she is a renegade who has been appropriated by false priestesses who misuse her for money, clout, and clients. Who disguise sex addiction, greedy sexual marketing to vulnerable people, and subservience to "alpha males" as Magdalene magic.

She wanted to make it clear - and I didn't know about this, but subsequent research confirmed it - she is not at all pleased that people project their eugenics fixation onto her sacred daughter and their royal bloodline. She is very angry that these so-called Magdalene priestesses have projected their narcissistic eugenics ideas onto her precious daughter, who took the form of Sara-la-Kali to minister to the most underprivileged, marginalized, and abandoned groups of people.

She wants to make it clear that her love is for everyone, just like her Eros is for everyone. This nasty spiritual privilege masquerading as empowerment is not who Mary Magdalene is. This is not how her Sacred Eros expresses itself. Her Grail bloodline is not an excuse for magical eugenics, and she for damn sure is not second to Yeshua.

The Templars worshipped Mary Magdalene and Mother Mary next to God, and made no mention of Yeshua. Their prayer went, "I pray to God that he will pardon your sins as he pardoned them to St. Mary Magdalene and the thief who was put on the cross." 

(See what I wrote here and here about the patriarchal demiurge who usurped the Goddess.)

Tell me again how Mary Magdalene is a role model for pick-me groupies who want to go about priestessing for sugar daddy males.

She is not the apostle of Jesus Christ. She is the Christ. She is Beloved of the Cathars, Beloved of the Essenes, Beloved of the Templars, the divine incarnation of Asherah, and the Woman Messiah.

She is the Christ in Nature.

She says these women would be scared shitless if they actually had an encounter with her, and she does not take kindly to her name being used for deception and manipulation. What they're doing is no different from what the Church did to Mary Magdalene.

She says her and Yeshua's "royal bloodline" is about humble service and celebrating the divinity inherent in human imperfection, not eugenics. It is especially important to point that out now, in a world where oligarchs and their vampiric dynasties are doubling down on their capitalist rape game at all costs, and being goaded on by evil war criminals like Tony Blair, who recently claimed that caring for the long term disabled is "unsustainable".

There are too many New Age witch influencers who secretly agree with that sentiment. Who have no awareness of their able-bodied privilege or sexual privilege, and think tossing around terms like "Grail" and "bloodline" means they get spiritual license to introduce eugenics into their "divine motherhood" goals. You have no idea how many people buy into this shit.

More than one Twin Flame school out there not only claims affinity with Mary Magdalene but also throws around the idea of "Golden Children" as somehow a way to advance human consciousness. Not going to name names, but...more than one Twin Flame school is buying into this evil bullshit. Not just that one infamous cult you're probably thinking about, there are at least two other Twin Flame schools that buy into the "Golden Children" idea, and it's absolutely eugenics disguised as spiritual awakening.

This is the exact opposite of Mary Magdalene's path and the way she uses her power. This is the exact opposite of the Beauty and Grace that her holy daughter brings.

Mary Magdalene is a rebel. A paradigm-breaking earthquake who shakes up the status quo. And the sex magic grift of manipulative false priestesses in "union" with narcissistic tantra-bros is THE DEFINITION OF THE STATUS QUO.

Beware whose name you call in service to your egoic, low vibrational agendas.

Mary Magdalene wants to speak directly to any disabled or chronically ill people who read this blog post. She wants you to know that your blood and the "bad genes" it carries DOES NOT LACK the Sangreal. She actually means it. She taught me how to begin awakening it within my own body and I'm disabled, and she wants to teach you too. She takes personal offense to the idea that disabled or chronically ill people are separated from her abundant spiritual grace.

The Feminine Christ lives. The Feminine Christ loves all of humanity. And she cannot be colonized in service to the patriarchy, not even by supposedly genetically matched, sexually liberated "unions".