Over years of hard work, I have uncovered sensation and emotion-based memories of my birth, and a felt-sense of the hospital. There were some dark energies in that hospital, and that plus the interaction of many other karmas - my ancestral karma in a family of extremely abusive people, my land karma with the rather haunted city I was born in, etc - all created a perfect setting for an abuse pattern to develop in my life.
Healing the womb is traumatic and shows you the deep inner ugliness in all women. The deep fraud in the false sisterhood.
It can be shattering, but this is the darkness we have to move through to know wholeness again. There are many good teachings for accessing and releasing womb trauma - an affordable and excellent option is Yoni Shakti: A Woman's Guide to Power and Freedom through Yoga and Tantra by Uma Dinsmore-Tuli.
You can also call on Hekate Eileithyia.
Beware: real changes will happen in your life, and they won't always be pretty. In my case, healing the womb created huge upheaval with other women.
Here's something I wrote in my diary a couple years while going through a stage of womb healing:
Why do they repeatedly shut down my rage? That too, in a WOMEN'S circle where rage is the point? Why do they lie and gaslight me, only for Spirit to prove that my memory was 100% correct? Why do they shut me down and Bind my voice when I ask questions that make them uneasy? Why do they try to distract me when I'm trying to recall deep truths in my heart? Why don't they want to discuss my reclamation and my soul retrieval when reclamation and soul retrieval are what they teach?
It's like how the hospital of my birth was a virtue-signalling woke zone on the surface, but treated me like utter shit.
Every concept these women champion loudly and publicly, they stamp down in me.
Every spiritual practice they repeatedly, daily, endlessly argue for on every Internet platform they have, they discourage me from practicing.
Everything they say they do, they don't want me to do.
Every inquiry they encourage, they don't want me to inquire.
Every value they encourage in each other REPEATEDLY, they angrily discourage in me.There is a cleverly hidden, insidious fraud going on. There is a Demonic Femininity that masquerades very convincingly as the Divine Feminine. It goes back to my earliest memories.
Every circle of enlightened women (!!!!) has been harvesting my energy and trying to steal from me just like those high school girls did. And they deceive, obfuscate, distract, and even blatantly shut me down in order to prevent me from escaping their convenient trap. I am the dirty secret that women don't want to acknowledge, the shame and fuel of their Omelas. I am the uncomfortable lie holding up their incredibly convincing facade.
This is why they brainwash you, this is why your soul was screaming that even these women's groups have an agenda, and you either get in line with the "group energy" or you get out. Do you know what that is? An epic pattern of spiritual bypassing.
There are false light women teachers running rampant. There are Demonic Feminines running amok on Earth, at the highest and most respected levels of spiritual teaching. It's STUNNING and heartbreaking.
These women don't support other women unless they get to control them. Unless they get to control the narrative. These women abuse in secret, targeting female victims who won't speak out and won't be believed, and carry on their rampage of destruction and soul-theft while braying on social media about their soul retrieval teachings.
Most crushingly, these are women who once inspired me, taught me, and gave me the tools and the knowledge to elevate myself out of the muck.
I can't even access my anger. I mostly just feel utterly disillusioned and heartbroken. I doubt myself a lot, which is outrageous. In truth, I am the shame that nobody can bear to acknowledge. I am the sin that they have avoided looking at for a long, long time, and profited hugely from in the process. I am their hypocrisy. I am the inconvenient truth that breaks their elaborate game. They would much, much rather have me kill myself. Better I die rather than the truth come out.
Fun fact, this is the shadow side of Lilith's archetype that most Divine Feminine teachers will never acknowledge. My womb healing journey was well underway when Roe v. Wade was overturned. Although I'm obviously pro-choice, a very curious thing happened around that time.
The night before SCOTUS overturned the constitutional right to abortion, I could feel another layer of my mother wound getting healed. I felt the binding, restricting curse on my throat chakra (where once my bio-mother's umbilical cord had choked me) lift. I felt something parasitic release from my womb chakra.
My body was healing, as if it was being allowed to finally experience life.
As if something that had been cruelly aborted...was finally being allowed to be reborn.
My Twin Flame's higher self came to me in a dream that night and we made love in a secret astral location that is meaningful to both of us.
I woke up the next morning to the news that Roe v. Wade had been reversed. Intellectually, I knew it was evil and wrong. Energetically, though, I felt the weight of a curse lift from me.
I felt the shadow aspect of Lilith loosen a murderous grip that she's had over me for my entire life.
While I agreed with the panic and anger that women expressed at the news, I also saw something disquieting. An undercurrent that I could feel and sense, but knew better than to say out loud: they were angry and panicked because I had released a karma with them. They were triggered because they couldn't energetically rape and kill me anymore, as they had for lifetimes.
The very same women who were angry about abortion rights were unconsciously, secretly angry that they could no longer use me as an enslaved energy source as in The Handmaid's Tale...because I was the enslaved source of their fertility power, and aborted as a sacrifice to maintain their wombs for them.
As I began to recover and reclaim the fertility power they had stolen from me so self-righteously, they suddenly began to weep and wail about being enslaved like in The Handmaid's Tale...exactly as they, acting for years as Serena Waterford, had grown accustomed to enslaving me.
I saw the mask covering the Demonic Feminine's murderous face slip. I saw the Demonic Feminine's narcissistic rage, her fear of being treated as she had treated me.
And that's the kind of politically incorrect mindfuck that womb healing brings. It's not a feminist path when labels like feminism can be appropriated by ego. It's the path of the Divine Feminine.