Chthonia

My destruction at the hands of soul-rape can also be described as soul murder, and in fact other people have described it as exactly that. There are ways to kill someone while keeping them breathing, and I have been killed. There are ways to torture someone to the point of insanity, through occult means, and leave no visible mark. I have been tortured this way.

It started way before I even met my Twin Flame. An old curse and a long initiation in the Underworld.

Hekate has been with me since I was in the 8th grade, probably even earlier. Looking back, I see the signs of Her everywhere, in ways that are unmistakable and real. And because of this ancient soul murder, I have suspected She came to me as Hekate Chthonia, who understands the Dead and the touch of evil.

Who understands the messy, dark Underworld awakening of the Infernal Divine Feminine.

Hekate Chthonia has been guarding my corpse until it can be resurrected. She is the dark mercy that pulls me out of denial and makes me truly see the absolute evil that has harmed me and hunted me. 

When I tried to ask people for help, when I tried to tell my Tantra teachers that my spiritual awakening was happening in the Talas (the realms of the Hindu Underworld - the Talas also show up as corresponding demonic chakras in the human body), I was gaslit, shut down, and victim-blamed to the point of becoming suicidal.

But the Chthonic Queen knows horror. She knows soul destruction and She knows death. So the only being who didn't gaslight me was Her, the Mistress of the Night. She took my hand, lifted up Her torch, and led me straight to my corpse.

Here I can feel the bottomless shame of being an abuse victim and murder victim, the bottomless shame of being so violently hated. The shame of not being allowed to use the word "victim", the shame of being the victim of occult attack that is extremely difficult to prove.

The corpse that Chthonia guards not only represents an ancient, unforgotten crime against my soul, but another timeline. Another reality. It's not just a soul part, it is quite literally the gateway to the divine spark within me.

The hideous crime has now become an ugly portal to Self-realization. It is a dangerous and life-threatening Soul-making, a down-in-the-darkness awakening that is quite different from the awakenings described in nondual communities. It is the ancient path of the Divine Feminine, before she was distorted into a candy cane female doll in the "spirituality" of the false light.

Hekate Chthonia holds the infernal key to this corpse's secrets.

She holds me too, because my heart will shatter as all the ancient lies on my Soul are exposed.