Old wounds, the parasitic pull of ancestral attachments, and deeply broken pieces of the soul can actually lead to a kind of living death. A dissociated zombie existence.
Due to serious soul loss, I have been dissociated as fuck to survive. It's often not safe to stop dissociating, even now. The integration process is challenging and sometimes it feels truly crazy as soul fragments return. Which is what happens each time invasive foreign energies are released from my body.
It's at times like this that I understand that I am basically like one of the restless dead in Hekate's horde. That the trauma murdered my soul. That I'm allowed to receive the assistance of Anassa Eneroi, Queen of the Dead.
In Her mythology, Hekate shows mercy to trapped beings and restless ghosts, and they work for Her. She especially looks after women who were killed or sacrificed, even taking their place when they died.
For those of us who are really destroyed by trauma placed upon us by our shitty ancestral line, Anassa Eneroi can deal with our ancestors. She rages for us and melts us from the freeze state.
As I've been receiving Her help in re-integrating lost soul fragments and releasing black magic, I swear my apartment has felt absolutely haunted. Haunted by the divinity within that was pushed out of my body repeatedly by the narcissist bullies of my life, and replaced with the mask they wanted me to wear.
They turned the sensitive Jennet Humfrye into The Woman in Black. They turned the passionate Bertha Mason into a screaming ghost in a tower. They banished Lilith from the Garden of Eden, killed her children, and accused her of being a child-killer.
It is this kind of disowned ghost-like energy that is currently haunting my apartment. I know it's me. I know it's also not me. And I'm relying on the Queen of the Dead to facilitate this terrifying integration process.
When deeply broken parts of yourself melt and surface for re-integration, no longer trapped by parasitic spirits, they come with suicidal feelings. That's something I have been experiencing in heart healing for over a year now. Deep anti-Life programming that was hammered into me, and reinforced every time my feelings were buried alive. Every time those suppressed feelings come up, I go through a period of feeling suicidal for a while, and then break through to renewed life.
There is resistance, as these parasite spirits are directly connected to people who hold power in society - financial, political, social or occult power - and those motherfuckers can feel it when they're losing their grip on other people's psyches. Whether the victim is dealing with etheric implants or parasite spirits or both and more, these things were put in place to lower our frequency. To make us capable of being controlled.
Releasing them in stages will upset the power "balance" that our invaders have come to rely on. You were their food, after all. They gain wealth and power from Twin Flame separation and the subjugation of people's independent spirits. All of that gets threatened when you begin taking your power back.
Then the narcissist gurus will shriek and protest as you pry their invasive fingers from your soul, where their grip may have left fingerprints from lifetimes of abuse.
Meanwhile, there can be intense rage, pain and suicidal ideation as lost soul fragments are reclaimed from these soul-rapers.
It's volatile and scary, and it's still happening in stages.
Anassa Eneroi seems to convert suicidal feelings into the impulse to live.
She reverses curses, including the will of other people who want you dead out of their own jealousy. The Queen of the Dead will refuse to admit you to Her realm until it's your time, no matter how many people try to kill you before your time.
I have no idea what Her role was in the Eleusinian Mysteries, but in the very dangerous and terrifying initiation process that I'm going through, Anassa Eneroi is making me face my fear of death as well as years and years of suicidal impulse. It is brutal and lonely, and it is hard.
It's like resurrecting a corpse.