Like I said in this post, bitterness is sacred medicine. It is an angelic messenger of God.
Reading my old journals, I feel so sad to see the way I was totally brainwashed with ideas like "loss is an illusion" or judging my own "fear of loss" and reminding myself to place my focus on abundance, not scarcity. I was completely mindfucked.
It is especially damaging to tell people that if loss happens, then it's actually protection, or re-alignment, or a "lesson" from the Divine.
This is not just a spiritual community problem. It is part of the pathological gaslighting of mainstream society, including medicine and therapy, which gave me the same platitudes, lectures, and attempted brainwashing that spiritual communities did.
As I described here, therapists and doctors actively sabotaged my healing process with this exact same horseshit that spiritual communities used, and much worse. Because they also gave me medication I didn't need, which was forced down my throat by my parents and turned me into an even more dissociated zombie.
Like every other spiritual rule, method or teaching, the truths about emotional processing have been completed and totally flipped in order to facilitate mind control, not liberation. This is also why Tantra gurus screech about forgiveness while energetically feeding on their students and dehumanizing any parts of their students that threaten their worldview.
I feel like these days I understand more and more deeply how these teachings are dangerously distorted in insidious, deep ways before they even enter public conversation. Because in order for occult teachings to even become public knowledge, they have to be ruined first.
They can't be taught in public unless they are subtly twisted, with just enough truth buried in the lies to divert a student's life force energy from their own empowerment, while not appearing to do so.
For example, they have to turn the Law of Attraction into a victim-blaming, emotionally dissociative cage in order to make it mainstream, because the real Law of Attraction teaching would be terrifying and swiftly disrupt the status quo. You can't teach that shit to your slaves.
Same with astrology. While I'm not an astrologer and have basically no astrology knowledge, in my independent planetary pathworkings (which I did for self-healing purposes), I found that everything that astrologers had written in my birth charts were distortions of the truth, like the astrologers were being interfered with by parasitic forces that made them write three lies for each truth. The planetary powers were described in subtly misleading ways designed to keep me firmly entrapped in the scapegoat fate pattern.
Astrologers can't see your dridha karma in your natal chart, because they are being influenced by it.
In my independent explorations of these planetary energies that my birth chart says I have particular karmas with, I got a WHOLE. DIFFERENT. STORY.
Everything we have been taught about various spiritual disciplines is quite literally bullshit. It's lies intricately mixed up with misapplied truths. It's dangerous poisoned honey.
Many people - including me - have encountered psychic attack and mundane attack, including censorship, when we try to correct these distortions.
There is a deeply reinforced self-harming pattern in occult/spiritual schools that is extremely hard to see. Take the magnificent avenging goddess Bagalamukhi, one of the fierce Mahavidyas (She has a very close relationship with Hekate, btw). Bagalamukhi holds a beautiful ornamented mace, which strikes the tongue of Her target and paralyzes/silences them.
Bagalamukhi, when I was first initiated into Her sadhana, showed me that Her rage was love. She seemed to roar, "WHO MADE MY BABY CRY?" People who were fucking with me were suddenly getting savagely attacked. Relief and healing flooded through my nervous system. Every time I meditated with Her, I wept with relief. She was roaring through me, raging for me, establishing hard boundaries when I didn't have the strength or means to do so. I couldn't fight my own brainwashing, so Bagalamukhi did it for me. Nobody was going to touch Her baby.
Then the dridha karma crept in. The scapegoat pattern. The forced empath who is destined to be invaded, siphoned, harvested, soul-raped.
I began getting strong psychic feedback from reality that this was a "low vibrational" way to interact with Bagalamukhi. That She is peaceful, not raging. That She likes silence, not roaring. That She doesn't see enemies, only imbalances. That I'm supposed to forgive and be peaceful, because All is One and I'm bad and toxic so I deserve what my enemies did to me, so I should keep rooting out my flaws instead of letting Bagalamukhi set hard, protective boundaries around me.
The false psychic feedback would guide me to look at images of Bagalamukhi striking the tongue of Her target with Her mace, and convince me that I was the target. That my tongue needed to be struck with Her mace to "remove my ego".
Literally, the very same goddess who opened my throat and made me roar dragonfire, was now being described to me as a goddess who needed to silence and censor me for my own good.
It was as if something else was whispering in my ear. Like an invader grooming me to let down my boundaries and allow them to invade me again.
Bagalamukhi warned me that I was being scapegoated. That something was getting in between Her and me, twisting Her messages, and separating me from my protectress. She pointed out multiple times that I had been set up as a scapegoat to take on the blame for society's sins, but I was getting contradictory messages from these false teachings that pathologized anger. I eventually began to lose my connection to Her.
The deep mindfucking of the false spiritual paradigm worked. I was totally ensnared by the false "teachings" being propagated by religious gurus, New Age teachers, and the healthcare "professionals" from the Muggle world which was equally invested in shutting down my rage.
And I now know that they separated me from my truth. They conned me into giving up my divine guardian, a golden goddess of rage and truth who was trying to protect me from narcissistic abuse.
She sent Hekate to look after me, or came back to me in the form of Hekate - it's hard to know which description is more accurate. And it's not the only explanation - once Hekate was in my life, I found out She had been with me since at least the 8th grade, when I didn't even know Hekate was real.
Anyway. This narcissistic paradigm tried to do the same thing with Hekate, especially Hekate Brimo who began guarding me the way Bagalamukhi had guarded me. For example, this interference tried to convince me that I should turn Hekate Brimo's violence ON MYSELF, to "remove my ego" and let Her "purify" me by beating the shit out of me.
This was exactly the opposite of how She wanted to work with me. Hekate Brimo, like Bagalamukhi before Her, made me feel loved precisely because She turned Her violence outwards against the forces that stood against me and wanted me to kill myself.
This time Hekate Brimo pointed out the attacks and interference very quickly and I was saved. I never fell into the trap of thinking that Hekate Brimo would want to hurt me to remove my "ego". I realized I was being fucked with by an entire false reality that has infected this world with its "rules". Groomed the entire world to accept and perpetuate abuse.
This Abuse Consciousness is very terrified of female rage and will immediately pathologize it with twisted half-truths. ANYTHING to stop you from setting a boundary.
These unseen parasitic, narcissistic forces have tried this exact same bullshit with my Twin Flame and I, which I can't describe here because it's way too private, but they tried to separate me from my Twin exactly like how they tried to separate me from Bagalamukhi and Hekate.
In fact, the entire "twin flame" collective out there is designed to keep you in separation. It is energetically in league with the same parasitic forces that come through the conventional thought patterns of mainstream society as well as all forms of religion.
Even many forms of esoteric spirituality. Just because power is being channeled from higher realms it doesn't mean anything. It can sometimes just represent a more sophisticated and subtle illusion, based on worldviews and spiritual rules that don't actually govern reality anymore.
It's why I can no longer stomach former spiritual role models like Yogananda, in whose writings (and writings about him) I began to see well-disguised narcissism - the exact same energy that separated me from Bagalamukhi. I began to see that he used energies and subtle body processes in an anti-Life way that was completely and totally wrong for my path.
How about another example?
Take the teaching about how loss is just an illusion. Who benefits from stigmatizing your severed emotional connection to a person, place or thing as "attachment"? Who benefits from telling you that there's no need to get emotional, just switch your focus, deny your feelings, and hope for something even better? Who benefits from framing this so-called solution as "surrender" or "not draining your energy"?
The thief who has been stealing from you. The abuser who has been scapegoating you.
In most cases, the person lecturing you like this may not directly be your abuser, but they are plugged into an egregore that needs you to be scapegoated in order for a rotten "order" to be upheld.
Bitterness is especially terrifying in the hands of their scapegoat. How can they escape accountability now, except by insisting that "loss is an illusion" and that their scapegoat just needs to cut her losses, stop draining her energy by focusing on the illusion of injustice and loss, and move on?
Fear of loss did not hold me hostage, like they kept insisting to me. Having my bitterness repressed by every corner of reality held me hostage. Being trapped in a mirrored cage, determined to disconnect me from my body and the God inside my body, held me hostage. Having every potentially liberating teaching appropriated by Abuse Consciousness and twisted into yet another way to keep me caged is what held me hostage.
They just piled up the losses in my life while trying to prevent me from mourning the losses that had already happened. They viciously suppressed and suppressed and suppressed my rage, not knowing it would come out in even uglier ways once their mind control was shaken off. They committed the sin of separating me from my Twin Flame AND MY ACTUAL GODDESS.
Bagalamukhi has come back to me now.
It's not going to fucking end well.