I wasn't surprised by toxic female behavior from women in my family, because my family is dysfunctional.
What shocked me to my bones was seeing this behavior from "enlightened" adepts, from women who had apparently done the inner work and faced their shadow and seemingly handled their shit before coming into a state of unity consciousness. Even worse - from "enlightened" women who I looked up to.
I love empowered women. I want them as my sisters and role models. I have repeatedly chosen divine sisterhood over false connections with my Twin Flame over the years, especially when he was trying to put me in "competition" with another female. I said no to that. I worship the Divine Feminine.
The Divine Feminine isn't some sweet little mouse who looks up to her "provider" daddy-husband. She isn't a simpering little child-woman or a manipulative succubus pretending to be sexually empowered. She is humility and authenticity in service to Love. She is fiercely in love with her own body, yet completely liberated from the male gaze.
There's a reason why I call myself Dhumavati's Daughter on this blog, and it's not just because She's my ancestress. On the surface, Dhumavati seems like an odd deity choice for a path of romantic enlightenment like Twin Flames. But in fact, Dhumavati is the ONLY Mahavidya who gets it. The ONLY Mahavidya who cannot be corrupted by false Twin Flame teachings, low vibrational sexual energetics, and the manipulative power games that false priestesses play. The Hag has no fucking time for that.
Dhumavati has supported my Twin Flame journey the right way. Dhumavati who has said to me, at various times:
- "Why do you want to get married to that stupid boy?"
- "Who cares about getting married?"
This is the same Dhumavati who supports my Twin Flame every time he tries to release himself from the mind control of patriarchy.
So when I found other liberated priestesses who worship the Hag in Her many forms, who have apparently decentered men and claimed back their power, I was ecstatic. My people! My sisters!
And to an extent, that has held true. I have found sisters.
I also had to endure the shocking betrayal of one of these so-called adepts, a woman who claims to have healed the split between Eve and Lilith within herself, suddenly going after my Twin Flame. Subtly putting me down. Chasing after my Twin Flame like a desperate, jealous middle-schooler.
I was embarrassed for her, disgusted by her choice, and deeply shaken. If this copycat pattern could extend to a so-called enlightened woman who I had looked up to as a teacher and role model, was feminine empowerment even possible?
Did she resent feminine empowerment in any woman other than herself? Her behavior changed the moment I began to grow in power and no longer needed her to "give" me my worth and value, which apparently changed our dynamic in a way she didn't like. Suddenly she went from supportive older sister to Regina George poisoning Aaron Samuels against Cady. What the fuck was causing this?
I should not have had to see this kind of behavior in women who taught me to free myself from the patriarchy. I wasn't surprised when my mother, my cousins or other unawakened women behaved like this, but from priestesses of the Goddess? From powerful women who worship the Hag, the Crone? From powerful witch-mystics who have had many of the same awakening experiences I've had?
There is no reason why a priestess of the Divine Mother should deteriorate into a "pick me" groupie of the patriarchy. Yet that is exactly what I witnessed.
What is rotten in the heart of womanhood that this manifestation keeps coming up?
Right now, I don't have answers. I am sitting with the disillusionment, the uncertainty, and the sadness. I have found myself brought to this place repeatedly on the spiritual path, and every time the way forward is through those feelings. Disillusionment and uncertainty are medicine, in their own way.
I choose Twin Flame Union for us ALL. I have seen many women become jealous of my Twin Flame connection and fall into the delusion that they need to "steal" my Twin Flame from me. To which I want to say: you have your own Twin Flame and you deserve to be with him/her.
I want you to be happy with your Twin Flame. I know that's what you really want for yourself in your heart.
And I want ALL of my sisters to rise with me and get what they want. I know many of them became so disappointed in their own divine counterparts that they wrote them off completely, and then decided that they'd rather have my divine counterpart because they'd become so disillusioned with their own, and they were jealous that my Twin Flame still loves me.
But in behaving like this, they are making me disillusioned as well. How does this create Heaven on Earth for any of us?
I really want women to have their original dreams for themselves, not my dreams for myself. They get to have their blessings, they don't need my blessings.
This has been hard. Apart from Dhumavati, another goddess I have relied on heavily through this process is Hekate. It is Hekate who walks me through these liminal spaces every time.
I just think people need to know that it's okay and important to talk about a False Sisterhood. This is such a painful and taboo topic, especially when the women's spiritual path is about enthusiastically cheering on your sisters. It's almost shameful to talk about a False Sisterhood. It brings up the urge to blame yourself and encourages others to instinctively blame you: well, are you a false sister?
We would never do this to a rape victim.
We would never do this to a woman escaping domestic violence.
As I said in my previous post, women are capable of energetically raping each other. It has happened to me in the past.
If false sisterhood is something you can't talk about without being victim-blamed, guess what? The False Sisterhood is a cult.
We need a safe space to talk about it. A #metoo movement for women who have been serially abused by other women. And we need to safeguard these conversations from men's rights activists, the red pill crowd, and anyone else who would use this as ammo for their misogyny.
In the name of the Divine Mother, I pray for us all. I pray that this rot in the heart of womanhood is revealed and purged without delay, for the highest good of all.