While sacred rage is validated (and I certainly have PLENTY of that), bitterness is vilified. Even by spiritual teachers, probably because they feel threatened by it and sense that the sacred medicine of bitterness would run their grift right into the ground.
Bitterness is not unspiritual or low vibrational. Bitterness is utterly sacred.
As everything about my trauma sank in, I came to the devastating realization that nothing was my fault and I took on the scapegoat role to stay alive, to keep "peace" with people who never gave me peace.
My suffering was utterly pointless, exacerbated by false spiritual teachings created by Abuse Consciousness, such as "everything happens for a reason" and "earth is a school". These are false teachings meant to uphold a false reality: the reality the abuser likes.
My heart is broken because of other people's selfishness and irresponsibility, because of cruelties inflicted upon me that were deep, complex, and unfair, creating devastating losses in my life that cannot be recovered. My life will never be the same.
I am comfortable being bitter at Abuse Consciousness for the amount of terror and torture it put me through, the way it came through unconsciously willing humans to harm me because I didn't fit into the world of lies it built. Because the world of lies needs a scapegoat to maintain it's long con.
When I sit with my sacred bitterness and deeply allow it to love me, I receive a profound experience of self-forgiveness and self-loyalty. In the embrace of bitterness I feel Dhumavati's fiercely loving presence. I feel my abandonment wound being healed. I hear the Grandmother's cry for justice.
Bitterness is a cry for justice. Bitterness is innocent. Bitterness is blameless. Bitterness deserves a voice, too. She may say and do socially unacceptable things, but is it her job to make people feel comfortable? Bitterness exists because of unspeakable loss, unspeakable injustice.
There is TRUTH in that bitterness that cuts through the psychic gaslighting and deception of this polluted world. It is alchemical wonder.
Allowing my bitterness with tenderness and sympathy has saved my life. It has also made other people dislike me and feel threatened by me, since they can no longer shame me into suppressing my bitterness.
Nobody wants their scapegoat to own her bitterness, but in doing so, I stopped abandoning myself. I stopped betraying myself.
If speaking the truth makes me "bitter", I'm entirely okay with that.