It takes a warrior's heart to love yourself when it seems like the entire world wants and NEEDS you to hate yourself. Love yourself anyway.
This isn't about loving your Twin or getting your Twin. That will happen. Just love yourself. Be the renegade they don't want you to be and defiantly love yourself. Enormous external resistance, like distraction and sabotage, may come up when you do this. That is when you require your own courage the most.
There are unseen forces - often powered by the unconscious group mind of your family, or your community, or another group identity - that will viciously shut you down when you start to glow with self-love. That will attack you, feed on you, or sabotage you because your self-love makes you a threat.
This is real life shit. It is not just a matter of sovereignty or boundaries or a good Banishing spell. That is victim-blaming, and it spiritually bypasses the real, lived realities of this world and how the structures of power need you to hate yourself and fear them in order to maintain that power.
You can't afford to live in denial. You need to trust your perception of what's happening in your reality.
If this makes you skeptical, check out Sarah Kendzior's level-headed book They Knew: How a Culture of Conspiracy Keeps America Complacent.
The fear-based world's collective unconscious unleashes silent weapons for quiet wars against your soul, and it is a real thing that you will have to deal with as you grow in power and love.
The uncomfortable truth is that this world isn't built for your Love. You have to be brave enough to love yourself so hard that your Love breaks their rules, their deceit and their fake power because they set up an imbalanced power dynamic that required your self-hate, and they are going to lose power the same way they gained it. It is what it is.
You have to be brave enough to accept that maybe the world of Not-Love will die in a messy way. That you can't save everybody you wanted to save. That even when Love wins, you'll have to watch old dreams crumble, because things just won't work out the way you hoped they would. Be brave enough to walk through this disillusionment and keep loving yourself.
Dhumavati once said to me in Telugu, "Dhairyam chupinchu." (ధైర్యం చూపించు) That translates as "Have courage" or "Show courage" or "Be courageous."
Look at Rose McGowan's story of how her Witch Wound was viciously triggered when she stood up to the cult of Hollywood. She was stalked and hunted. Actual spy agencies tried to drive her to suicide. Stole her manuscript so that her rapist - who was doing everything he could to silence her - could read her description of his assault. They planted cocaine on her to set her up for a felony charge. They planted trackers on her car and almost drove her off the road. Undercover female spies, female talent agents, and female literary agents tried to act against her at her rapist's behest. There was a very concerted and focused effort to kill Rose McGowan before she could take down Harvey Weinstein.
I've re-read her story often. Her story is in so many ways an archetypal story of what it feels and looks like when Love tries to break free of the shackles of fear-based power structures. (Check out her book BRAVE, especially because her attackers tried to stop it from getting published.)
Watch this YouTube video if you don't feel like reading Rose McGowan's book.
You may face this level of attack, even if your experience is attack that comes astrally/psychically. It will be real though. As real as what Rose McGowan faced. As real as what I have faced and am continuing to face.
So have courage.
Love is a warrior's path. Facing your deepest fears, your most deeply entrenched self-hatred, and the unconscious hatred of other people is the warrior's path. Have faith that you have a warrior's heart if you were called to this path. You can do it. You were made for this.