Everything in your reality is a Mirror reflection of what's going on inside you, AND at the same time that's completely untrue and a psychic lie of Abuse Consciousness.
This has been something that is unbelievably hard for me to talk about. First of all, I'm detoxing from abusive spiritual paradigms, which are actual false matrixes constructed multi-dimensionally to keep people imprisoned and enslaved. I'm painfully aware of how these teachings have been used to enable harm and maintain narcissistic power structures.
The second reason it's hard to talk about this is that I'm slowly undergoing a kind of de-possession and it's terrifying. Even calling it a de-possession isn't describing it properly. See? I have no easy or accurate way to talk about this.
Inner False Identities
It's possible for a sort of false persona to take over you from infancy when you're weak or vulnerable, and I'm not talking about a psychological mask, though that's certainly part of it. I'm talking about an ingrained, apparently "real" persona that appears to be you, your soul, but isn't. From a neurological viewpoint, maybe you'd describe these as imprints. From a magical standpoint, it's a parasitic or demonic possession.
It will be the "you" that your tarot cards or runes answer to. When you're detaching from this mask you will feel fucking insane because you know that your divination tools are communicating to you in a kind of dream. They are speaking to the false self, not to the real, innocent Self underneath.
Even when your tarot cards give repeatedly accurate readings and messages, you'll notice that they are not speaking to who you really are underneath the false mask. They are giving accurate predictions to the false mask.
Every step in every direction reinforces the prison of the dream world that this mask created. Every victory or gain in the dream world is an illusion, because these are things the mask wants, and getting them only pushes you deeper into the trap.
Look at the Devil card of the Chrysalis tarot deck, which is a mask. That card is exactly how this false mask has shown itself to me; it's exactly what the mask looks like. (I have tracked it through several Devil cards of several tarot decks at this point, but the Chrysalis Tarot really nails it visually.)
Nothing works
I have seen very creepy shit happen, including at one point the false mask of my false self trying to "assimilate" any deity I called. Like it was trying to steal the deity and then impersonate the deity.
I had to be put into a kind of spiritual quarantine for a while (and to some extent I'm still in spiritual quarantine) because Hekate warned me that unless this mask was removed, I would have a false awakening.
Kali and Hekate, two deities I have relied on to release every type of ego addiction, told me that They could do nothing about this inner false persona, because it would attempt to assimilate Them and mimic Them. I would have to find atheist magical means to empty myself out.
This possession is who you think you are at the soul level, but it is a complete lie. This is not something psychological or medical models can understand, because I'm talking about the level where DNA is changed.
No safe way out
The mask protects itself, and people who rely on your imprisonment will remain in denial of what you're going through and avoid helping you. Like I said in this post, not a single spiritual teacher or coach I turned to even tried to help me with this. Instead, they gaslit me, ignored my descriptions of my own experiences, became threatened if I began breaking out of the trap, and abandoned me when I reported that their shitty advice led me nowhere.
In fact, many of these gurus gaslit me, judged me, and shut me down to the point of making me suicidal when I asked about this.
But the trap of this false mask goes even deeper than that horrifying sabotage. I have seen people struggle to release these inner false personas and completely fail, even if they manage to get to that door at the basement of their psyche where a narcissistic false mask controls everything.
I have had to repeatedly fight my way out of denial. Leave myself notes all over my journals to remind me of what I glimpsed, so that I don't talk my way out of it when denial tries to slip in. Fighting to stay awake. Lulled relentlessly into a zombie-like sleep.
When people fail to remove these inner masks, it's almost never because they did something "wrong". They usually tried to do everything right. But it's like you've been programmed, like you're under mind control.
There is no safe healing process to release these false personas. Even the most dedicated self-healers struggle with them. There is a reason why you are dragged by your hair, kicking and screaming, into the Underworld. There is a reason why you face the utter destruction of your life, before these masks are released.
Even when you are doing the work.
Even when you pray, surrender, look within, learn every healing modality you can think of, and do everything "right" to release what no longer serves you.
Even when you refuse to numb out, there are some places where the denial is actually invisible to you.
Even when we are willing to let go of what we know, even when we are willing to suffer the uncertainty and loneliness that occurs at this point, sometimes that willingness is simply not enough. Because these inner false personas are so deeply lodged into the psyche that gentle evolution is not possible. Panic, hysteria, death fears, and desperate control games set in when the mask is about to come off.
The Mask keeps itself on
I can tell you that this process has been so merciless and terrifying that even with all of my self-control and self-discipline, I have been flailing. I have feared for my life and for my sanity.
As I said above, for the past couple of years any attempt to talk about it or ask questions about it got me gaslit, ignored or shut down. Like there was a binding spell that prevented me from seeking help. It made me suicidal. Fuck the false adepts who made me feel suicidal when I asked for help.
And I hit obstacle after obstacle when I tried helping myself, since nobody else seemed to want to help me.
I have written channeled insights about the false mask into my Notion journal, and watched those words delete themselves off the laptop screen. Automatically. Like something was possessing me and didn't want to be found out.
After a point, even my previous forms of spiritual surrender became dangerous. My prayers of surrender were being intercepted by a demiurge patriarchal consciousness. A false deity that controls this timeline, and wanted to "answer" my prayers because this inner false mask was connecting me to the false deity's timeline and reality.
I had to stop doing certain ascension practices because Hekate warned me that, due to this ingrained false mask, it would lead me to a "Master Christ" delusion similar to the one Jeff and Shaleia/Megan fell into. How's that for terrifying?
(I was in their Twin Flames Universe cult years ago - half a decade ago at this point.)
Because I got this warning after YEARS of purging myself. Under Dhumavati's stern guidance, I went from being a capitalist to being a communist. Dhumavati repeatedly pointed out every inch of greed in my consciousness and I kept releasing the greed She showed me, even though I cried and resisted and asked Her, "What are You, some kind of commie bitch?"
It's amusing because people who get triggered by my writings have accused me of being "woke as hell" and a "communist" who is letting down the Dharma with my leftist agenda. But I was literally following Dhumavati out of a paradigm of greed, capitalism, and false light - all of which I once enthusiastically participated in - because I didn't want my Twin and I to end up like Jeff and Shaleia/Megan.
All of that wasn't enough. This false mask, though loosened and now visible, is still attached to me and by now I've accepted it may only come off through a messy, messy, terrifying death. That there is no manageable or safe way to release it.
Shame can't survive being spoken
You have no idea how shameful and uncomfortable it is to talk about this. Most of what I've described will sound unbelievable to people who dance around in the shallow spirituality of the surface world. But Evil is real, demons are real, and the paradigm of the Underworld has NOTHING to do with the false light of the surface world.
If you know you know.
But that's why it's so important to talk about it. As Brene Brown said, shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment, but can't survive being spoken out. This is the exact tactic that was repeatedly used by spiritual adepts to silence me.
"Spiritual" people dancing in the false light need to be slapped awake, and the taboo truths of the Underworld need to be acknowledged. Integrity is my core value, and I refuse to be silenced because shame is a weapon of Abuse Consciousness. If I don't speak up for myself, who will? I don't choose Abuse Consciousness in my life.
The false light of the surface world, with its shallow astrologers and shallow witches and shallow yogis, is Abuse Consciousness FYI.
For some of us, awakening to God doesn't look like being lifted up into the superconsciousness. It looks like a terrifying de-possession, an exorcism, and a bloody death.
I don't know what is coming next.
I am very afraid of how everything is going to burn down in my life. I am very afraid of what may need to happen to get this "possession" out of me. I am a disabled woman in an ableist world, the process of unmasking has slowly isolated me, and there is no ideal road for me out of this mess. I have to crawl through the mess with Her voice in my ear, and submit to the dismantling of everything that I am, everything that I loved, and feel all the pain that comes up through this ego sacrifice.
All of this to say - everything in your reality IS indeed a Mirror reflection of your inner reality, but it doesn't look like how Abuse Consciousness wants it to look. You are innocent, just like how people with personality disorders are inherently innocent. It is only through terrifying surrender that the inner limiting beliefs and attachments are released - not through self-blame or self-flagellation.
One of the gifts of the Underworld is that you develop a deep compassion for society's criminals. You understand how you could become like them, and it wouldn't be your fault. You understand how little control you or anyone else has over this life experience.
It. Is. Scary. As. Hell.
Nothing is what it seems be.
This is uncharted territory and I don't have any idea what will happen beyond this point. But I needed to say this. Speaking out loosens the mask, and I cannot allow my voice to be buried alive by this world's Rape Consciousness. I cannot allow my own shame and uncertainty to suppress my truth.