The Living River and the Living Word

One reason this psychic censorship is breaking is because I am healing a malicious disconnect between myself and the river of Saraswati: the Mother of the Vedas, the Mother of the Harappans, the Mother of Seers.

When unblocked, when Her torrent bursts the dam, formerly censored words can gush out muddily instead of flowing gracefully. Dysregulated, traumatized, primal truth. Uncomfortable, terrifying, existential truth that has been locked in the Underworld for centuries.

It's gushing out now, so people had better fucking get used to it. The river might be coming out slowly, but once She bursts free, She's going to come all the way out. And I know people are going to panic - they're already panicking and trying to shut me up. 

I cannot tell you how many people have tried to get me to stop. How many people have wanted me to give up. I have had shit happen that you wouldn't believe, but I kept motherfucking going each time because She would not have it any other way.

Because I know what is Real versus what is a lie.

Some of my closest friends, people who began this curse-breaking process with me and who did a lot of work with me, eventually abandoned the path because they would rather be happy robots eating fake steak like Cypher. I have seen so many people abandon themselves for money, for pretty lies, for vanity and selfishness and "fun".

And then trolls sometimes come here and try to get me to shut up and give up.

They're too late. This thing is now unstoppable.

When the river is finally flowing, the things She is going to say will make this blog look like a fucking Disney movie. And that's why it's probably going to express in my off-line life for a long while before it ever comes online here.

Waking up my authentic voice is like resurrecting a cold corpse. What they did to my connection with Saraswati goes into the deepest, darkest core of the rape of my soul. Yes, RAPE.

What they didn't know is that Saraswati is the deepest mystery imaginable. She not only knows Vak, but She knows its thieves.

If liars, plagiarists and thieves knew how terrifying Saraswati really is, they would cut out their own tongues in horror.

Do you think Saraswati has survived from the Indus Valley era, through disaster and genocide and multiple attempts to wipe out Her spiritual legacy, by being peaceful, sattvic and sweet? Where do you think I get my grit and sharp tongue from, but from my irrepressible Divine Mother?

Not only did She survive from the Bronze Age, but through Her power, Vedic mantras also survived from the Bronze Age. And that is how my Twin and I have survived what was done to us.

Saraswati is the Genius that endures, the Wisdom that is resilient, the Hidden River that flows where soul-rapers cannot follow. She is the Voice of Truth, the staying power, and the power by which the Truth survives against all odds.

Her children are the heretics whose books were burned and whose heads were chopped off because they refused to speak anything but the truth. Who wrote poetry and music that could get them killed, whose research and books offended academia and got them canceled by the establishment, and who kept going anyway because people like us Do Not Give A Fuck.

So I'm not giving up. And you had better not give up either. Live your damn truth whether your haters like it or not. The trolls and the robot-humans are dying out, and this is their last desperate flail before their extinction. 

Good luck if they plan on going up against Her.

Taking Out The Trash

Thank you to everyone who sent me well-intentioned, respectful and nice emails. I enjoyed talking to you and this post isn't directed towards you. 🧡

But I have removed my email from this blog, and here's why:

I unblocked my throat chakra and began experiencing a new level of freedom. Immediately, that resulted in backlash to energetically suppress me again. Some robotic human beings trapped in their delusional programming became so triggered by my freed-up voice that they spammed my email with hate.

I have no time for delusional psychos, especially when so much is going on. So I removed my email for now.

Until I stabilize at this new vibration, I won't open up emails. When the time is right, I will list my email address and look forward to meeting like-minded people again.😽

Hekate, the Arabian Triple Goddess, and Soul-Rape

I had to break through a lot of psychic censorship in order to make this post and this post. And the truth that I want to say now is more explosive, so the psychic censorship re-activated. It's taking a lot to write this, but that's why I'm determined to at least say whatever snippets of my truth can get past this gag order.

This is not new. I have been struggling with cosmic-level silencing for years.

I have had things happen that you won't believe, including my typed words suddenly deleted off of the laptop screen. And expertly orchestrated sabotage to prevent me from typing that truth again.

And murder attempts. Lots of them. The only people who will understand what I am talking about are others who have the Witch Wound, though we are called "Targeted Individuals" these days.

It is the true path of Mary Magdalene and Medusa.

My life is a crime scene surrounded by yellow police tape and any attempt to reveal the truth under the terrifying cover-up invites attack, censorship, and attempted murder.

And these psychic and occult attacks are coming from the wetiko-laced collective egregore of humanity. A humanity that is in mass denial. The amount of cognitive dissonance and denial that I have encountered is honestly insane. Humanity is so trapped in their mass delusion that they would rather die than admit they are wrong. 

The explosive truths I hold are an existential threat to a lot of people, and so I ended up holding lies for humanity too. That is how I got so deeply buried in the Underworld. So all I've been able to do is just keep at the inner work, layer by layer.

The tide is slowly turning, though. The suppression has lifted enough that I can say...at least some of what I'm about to say.

It took years in the spiritual community, and the sloughing off of trauma bonds and many layers of fawn response, before I could admit to myself that Islam's prophet Muhammad was a complete, utter fraud. This became clearer than ever after my experience in Twin Flames Universe. I understood exactly why Jeff Ayan believed that Islam's prophet was his "soul brother", and I understood why centuries of upheld patriarchal theft and lies enabled Jeff Ayan to fall into that psychic delusion....and behave exactly like "Prophet Muhammad".

Muhammad, if he existed, was an agent of the demiurge and his archons. And considering the lack of contemporary Arab sources for the existence of Muhammad - he was written about 200 years after his death - it is entirely possible that the figure of Muhammad is a fabrication, a composite made up of different warlords.

But on a deeper level, even if Muhammad existed as a person, whoever the actual man is behind the myth is a fraud. Either he siphoned all of his supposed wisdom from a female sage, or the liars who created "Muhammad" appropriated the stories of a female sage's life. Or rather, an Arab woman who was an unrecognized prophetess, and probably died a horrible death.

You won't find her name recorded anywhere - not in texts that we have discovered so far, anyway. There will be zero proof that this Arab prophetess existed, but I know for a fact that she did.

One tiny hint of her erased existence is in the Three Divine Mothers of Arabia - Al-Lat, Al-Uzza, and Al-Manat - whose wisdom was turned into the "Satanic Verses".

If you know how to decode the Quran and Islamic grimoires, you will figure out a whole lot more. 

You can also find a line to Original Arab Prophetess by going through the Prophetesses of Judaism: Sarah, Leah, Rebecca, Miriam, Deborah, Hannah, Abigail, Huldah and Esther.

They know who she is.

People have talked about Mary Magdalene being the Church's hidden dirty secret for centuries, without actually understanding how deep this thing goes. Because there is also a Mary Magdalene-like figure behind the fraudulent Wizard of Oz that is "Prophet Muhammad".

The Arab prophetess who was channeling the original frequency behind "Islam" was scapegoated, had her stories stolen, and had her spiritual paradigm flipped upside down. And the result of that theft? Islam.

Behind the centuries of power, glory, conquest, and reams of poetry is a foundational lie. A total inversion. Islam is an empire built on a house of cards.

This is exactly why I saw a Muslim magician deride Goddess Kali as a "jinn" in an occult podcast. He's projecting a centuries-old inversion onto the Lady Prophet (Peace Be Upon Her) whose fierce wisdom was stolen, turned upside down, and misused to uphold patriarchal dogma.

The throne of the Lady Prophet (Peace Be Upon Her) was usurped by the rapist, pedophile, liar, and thief named Muhammad.

Exactly like how the Goddess was banished from "Islam" and turned into a "jinn".

And with that I withdraw again into the black light of Her womb, to let more and more layers of this illusory, karmic reality fall apart.

Hekate, the Native American Triple Goddess, and Soul Rape

This will be a follow-up to this previous post.

I have never talked about this before, but the version of Goddess Hekate I worship is syncretic in more ways than one. She is inside the soil of North America, I feel Her so clearly as the land goddess of North America. And since I was born in the United States, Hekate is my "land mother", as if I had been birthed out of Her own womb.

At first I wondered if She was the conventional American Triple Goddess: Lady Justice, Lady Liberty and Columbia. She gave me a yes to the first two (especially the Statue of Liberty, that statue is deeply holy to me now), but a big, huge FUCK NO to the third.

And that took a while for me to understand. I knew Columbia, the figurehead of the American Revolution, was named after the genocidal colonizer and rapist Christopher Columbus, but I didn't understand the extent to which Columbia herself was energetically an imposter spirit, a fraud goddess.

It has taken years of spiritual work, and grappling with the shock of the abuse, torture and horror of what has been happening to me, to decolonize and purify my mind of deeply held conditioning. And in this process, the imposter spirit Columbia has melted away.

The face underneath, the third face of the American Triple Goddess, is hidden in the shadow and remains nameless (in true Hekatean fashion). But at this point I'm very certain that She is the face of an indigenous goddess - either of the North American mainland or of the Caribbean.

Hekate's ancient energy seems to have become syncretized with an ancient indigenous earth goddess. I don't know Her name and frankly, I don't think I would be the right person to name Her. She's very likely of the same archetype, at least, as the Haudenosaunee’s Sky Woman, or the Hopi’s Spider Grandmother, or the Lakota’s White Buffalo Calf Woman.

She is likely very ancient, and She would have been active in the ancient Native American cultures that existed around the same time as ancient Egypt, ancient Sumer, ancient Greece, and ancient India (the Harappans whose historical record is most visible in the Indus Valley area).

In other words, She was active in the Americas when Hekate was active in the ancient Hellenic world.

Who She really is, this third face of Hekate, is none of my business because I'm not Native American, but I know that She is the stolen goddess buried beneath Columbia’s marble feet. She is the face under Columbia's mask.

She is wild, cyclical, bloody, alive. Nothing like stoic, performative Columbia.

Her real name is likely forgotten, but She naturally has the qualities, powers, and dark ferocity that basically make Her an indigenous sister of Goddess Hekate - probably why this formation of the American Triple Goddess happened, I guess.

Unlike the illusion of Columbia, a misdirect that can only ever lead you to false sovereignty, the American Triple Goddess is the living frequency of Total Liberty. She is empowered by all of the values (justice, freedom, progress, destiny, etc) that Columbia pretends to represent.

Getting past the powerful illusion of Columbia has actually been VERY hard.

Right from the beginning, years ago when Hekate first came to me, She showed me that Columbia was an illusion, but it has taken years of inner work to actually wake up from the hypnosis. If you psychically connect to Columbia (or just the American egregore in general), you'll see why. Columbia's energy is STRONG and really fucking hypnotic.

She looks like liberty, but actually she is the spiritual inversion of indigenous sovereignty.

Remember: Hekate (that's the name by which I know the American Triple Goddess, at least - but She is really the Nameless Empress) is the land mother of North America.

But Columbia is not born from this land, she is projected onto it. She is an overlay, an illusion meant to overwrite the memory of the land spirits she replaced.

Columbia's mask is projected over ancient North American land frequencies to capture and reroute their power. Not only does that complete the erasure of Native spirituality, but it also siphons and hoards all of that energy for a conqueror's purposes. And because Columbia looks like an empowered "feminist" figure, she lets the colonizer virtue signal and she makes genocide look like divine order.

Columbia is so deeply embedded in the collective unconscious that she only began to loosen her grip on my psyche after...a lot of inner work. I mean a lot of inner work. Columbia is a hypnotic spell, she is an extremely clingy hungry ghost. I think you could even call her an archetypal sigil.

Behind the powerful hypnosis of Columbia is a sort of wasteland of grief and collective amnesia. The conquest of this land was also a conquest of memory.

Columbia has been very useful for the current national egregore because she disguises the fracture at the core of American identity...and I think everyone can see that this core fracture has become more and more visible these days.

But beyond Columbia is She-Who-Remembers, the hidden face of the hidden Goddess. An extremely ancient aspect of primordial Hekate.

When we remember Her, the original freedom current, the original Goddess of this soil, the hypnotic spell ends. We can then be fed and nourished by the very soul of this continent.

Aphrattos

Hekate is the Nameless Empress. The Secret Annihilator, the Hidden of the Hidden, the Black Light of the Source. She is the Goddess of Secrets, She hides even that which is already hidden.

She is the Most Secret Supreme Goddess.

The Riddle of Strider = The Riddle of Rama

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

— J.R.R. Tolkien

It was partly with this poem, and a long journey with Narasimha and the most secret, Left Hand aspect of Krishna, that Rama led me home to Him. A long, winding road to the heavenly Ayodhya in my heart. And it turned out, W/we were coming home from exile together.

Advaita and Hekate's Nondual Crossroads

Those who worship only Avidya enter darkness; but into even greater darkness go those who are attached only to Vidya.

The wise tell us that Vidya and Avidya yield different results, and that both must be understood together.

He who knows both Vidya and Avidya together crosses death through Avidya and attains immortality through Vidya.

— Ishavasya Upanishad

Hekate is a miraculous mother whose wisdom is simultaneously terrifying and liberating. Hers is the Underworld Path of Terror and Beauty. It is the Path of Becoming Unfuckwithable.

Hekate is the divine paradox of uncorked rage that unapologetically chooses a side, while simultaneously breaking free of all false binaries...through even more uncorked rage!

This is the mystery at Hekate's crossroads.

As everything gets more polarized, as opposing elements get more and more strongly opposed in this dying world, there is terrifying transformative potential in all of this chaos, uncertainty and violence.

The path is paradoxical, which is why it's called nondual (Advaita). In practice, nonduality is a lot crazier and a lot more difficult than how Advaita writers and teachers describe it.

We are churned this way and that by the serpent-rope that purges poison from the ocean of milk, flung from one extreme to the other repeatedly. The depths of rakshasa consciousness, the heights of the devas, then back again, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, until, by a mysterious alchemical miracle, the Goddess appears.

Notice that sweet, gentle Lakshmi is churned out of a poison-filled milk ocean by opposing forces (asuras and devas), while the terrifyingly violent Bagalamukhi (who is 100% murderous, like Hekate, yet also a goddess of sacred opposites...also like Hekate) emerges from a pure, auspicious turmeric ocean.

Have you noticed how strange opposites are clashing together throughout our world, and sometimes inexplicably joining together? So much mindless, unconscious action from all corners, and yet it is not simply useless divisiveness (or the manipulations of an elite cabal that's trying to prevent a class war - not entirely).

What's really happening is that everything that was suppressed in the Underworld is erupting, and this world cannot spiritually bypass anymore.

An old world is rapidly dying, and simultaneously creating something new.

Many strange alliances, and other clashes of opposites, are reaching fever pitch in our world because we are being churned. Because what was suppressed in the collective unconscious is breaking free.

The contradiction is itself a meditation. Opposing forces are burning in the binaries until their conflict births That which has no opposite.

The friction, the motion of the churning, the division and the heat, is bringing all our poisons out. This is not a time for false unity, false peace or sweet words that bypass the roiling seas underneath. We are burning in our differences, going back and forth between opposites: left and right, friend and enemy, right and wrong, this and that.

It will break our hearts, but the heartbreak is also illumination. The heart breaks open.

This is exactly how it is on the Twin Flame path as well, and it's why Twin Flame Union is advaitabhavana: the awareness of not being two.

We are learning that all this churning, burning and friction are movements within the One/None. At the center of Hekate's crossroads all directions converge into one powerful point, the Axis Mundi.

Do you feel squeezed at Hekate's crossroads? Do you feel cornered into a liminal space that the conventions of false binaries erased? Stay there. Don’t rush to one side merely to relieve the anxiety of uncertainty. Hold your ground in the center until that squeeze, that uncomfortable liminal pressure, breaks the cage.

This is the place of pressure where consciousness must expand beyond "either/or" into "both/and."

It is the center point of Hekate's crossroads, where sacred alchemy takes place. Where the tension between two crossing roads dissolves into a luminous higher truth.

On the Nature of Evil

As a short follow-up to this post, I want to clarify some things. What I am waking up to is the predatory nature of the demiurge, the false god who infiltrates human consciousness through every available ideology.

It's not Islam (or rather, it's not the original frequency behind what later turned into "Islam") that invaded India and brutally desecrated every temple in order to build a mosque on the ruins - it's this. It's also this and this. This is the Abuse Consciousness that I have been tracking for years and it's what I have been blogging about.

It shows up in every human culture and it can hijack every single religion. It has also hijacked mainstream Hinduism, whose followers are rising on a mass wave of wetiko to project their unconscious onto Muslims and project their disowned bullshit onto Mahatma Gandhi and Pandit Nehru, two freedom fighters I am proud of because they treated Muslims with respect.

My great-grandfather was an Indian freedom fighter who went to jail for India's independence, and he never once said a bad word about Muslims. He went to jail for them too.

Mahatma Gandhi has been guiding me this year to uncover...a lot. Including this stuff. But a lot of other things too. Gandhiji's presence has helped protect me from being dragged into the psychic whirlpool of the polluted Hindu egregore while I was uncovering this devastating history of Islamic genocidal brutality in India.

I am angry and heartbroken at what happened to my ancestors, but I know that the original frequency behind what later became "Islam" is still fundamentally good. It's just that this original frequency has nothing at all to do with the polluted Islamic egregore.

This is about waking up to the nature of Abuse Consciousness. That is what the real "great awakening" that New Agers talk about should really mean: the collective needs to wake up to the nature of multi-dimensional abuse, and how we have normalized it and even sanctified our coping mechanisms.

There will be a reckoning for these ancient sins, and a settling of debts and righting of the scales. But it will happen in some unexpected ways. Because now it's time to wake up to the horror of Abuse Consciousness.

The horror behind the daydream that we've been mindlessly living in. 

Because this thing has rooted deep in the collective unconscious.

Hekate Agia, Hindu Temples, and Soul Rape

I don't know if I have it in me to write this out. Every word...feels so heavy. And this healing process has been so dark and twisty, and taken so many years, that I don't think I have the bandwidth to write it all out.

A while back, I talked about Hekate Agia, who sanctifies and protects holy ground. I also talked about my repeated experiences of soul-rape, a sin so dark that I can't describe it.

I was guilted into self-abnegation my whole life, including around the area of my religious beliefs as a Hindu. When I was introduced to Western Paganism many years ago, that helped a lot to decolonize my mind and release pointless shame. But even then, especially because of the supernatural/occult abuse I was enduring, a part of my brain was programmed to endlessly self-flagellate. To numb out. To deny my pain and to deny my ancestors' pain, but only ever protect the abuser's feelings.

When Hekate warned me about racism and told me that my temple had been desecrated, I assumed She was talking about the many layers of my subtle body (which have indeed been desecrated). I was confused by the racism warnings She was giving me too...because again, I had been programmed to deny my own feelings, blame myself for everything, and protect the abuser's feelings.

It was really hard for me to see this, until I spent the past two years experiencing not only increasingly obvious racism (and no, not just from white people), but also what I was forced to realize was Hinduphobia - a word I have tried to pretend doesn't exist.

I don't want to get into it because I hate talking about politics, and anyway the underlying spiritual issues are extremely complex. I generally consider all the main political talking points & positions of mainstream discussion to be an illusion.

Even what I'm saying here in this blog post - even these truths are so paradoxical and complex that I keep having to stop myself from adding, "suppressed Underworld energies are erupting and I don't believe in false binaries". (See this post I made earlier.)

Long story short: when my ancestral connection to Kali suddenly opened up on a new level, it was like a horror movie was being revealed behind a hypnotically pretty Disney story.

I had lied to myself so epically, based on emotional numbness and spiritual blindness, that the level at which I had mindfucked myself due to cultural amnesia was SHOCKING.

I am Telugu and my family were vassals under the Nizam of Hyderabad. I was so Stockholm-Syndromed that I felt protective of the Nizam's legacy, was sure my ancestors were happy under him, and even wondered if the Nizam's Turkish connection had anything to do with the Goddess Hekate coming into my life. (It is truly insane that this thought even occurred to me. Truly. Fucking. Insane.)

There was a slow, horrifying reveal of how the Nizam really treated Telugu people, a suppressed story that I was not aware about.

More horrifying stories came to my awareness. Stories of colonial trauma under Muslim rule that had been erased from history or whitewashed. Stories where the crimes committed by Muslim invaders were erased and then projected onto upper caste Hindus.

Total. Distortions.

In India there is an entire set of highly rated history books and standard textbooks (some by authors that I was told to read when I was in school) that have perpetuated myths, inversions, erasure, and slander, whitewashing and erasing the atrocities of Islamic invaders and transferring all of their disowned deeds onto the people they colonized.

It took me like 6 months or something to watch a film from 2022 called "The Kashmir Files" because I was so fucking triggered and brainwashed (just like the main character in that movie).

My instinct told me to watch that movie. Ganesha PUSHED me to watch that movie. Kali Amma had to repeatedly encourage me that it was safe to watch that movie. Dhumavati appeared in my dreams and told me that I did not know the truth about my ancestors. I received encouragement to watch the movie from the Divine Mother of Kashmir (beloved Sharada) and from Hinglaj Mata of Sindh. I also kept getting prodded to read the full history of Guru Tegh Bahadur (the ninth Guru of the Sikhs) - a history I had forgotten due to my long imprisonment in the Underworld. 

Yet for months and months, I could not get past the first 15-20 minutes of this movie.

When I finally watched "The Kashmir Files" all the way to the end, it was like a mental cage had shattered and so had my heart. And I was gripped with horror when I realized that, had the Nizam of Hyderabad managed to separate from independent India as he wanted to (...that same Nizam who I dreamily believed was "cosmopolitan" and linked to the Titan Queen Hekate, WHAT THE FUCK), his regime would have done the exact same thing to Telugu country as what the invaders did to the Kashmiri Pandits.

And to think, I actually wondered if the Nizam of Hyderabad had some unconscious/ancestral connection to Hekate just because of the Turkish thing, when literally Hekate Agia is the guardian of holy temple ground and the Nizam was a defiler of holy temple ground. 

When the truth is, Turkey is nothing but Islam-colonized Greece, like how Pakistan is nothing but Islam-colonized India. 

My Stockholm Syndrome had left me MINDFUCKED.

But it wasn't just my Stockholm Syndrome, it was societal, it was mass denial. I had been under so much spiritual attack, trapped in the Underworld as a civilizational scapegoat (and I'm not the only one who has been a sin-eater for Omelas, there are others), that the normalized abuse and normalized torture I have endured ultimately left me blind blind blind motherfucking blind to the depth of the inversion that I have been trapped in.

When the horrific torture I have endured has been normalized by everyone in my reality, how could I see past a structure of rape consciousness while I was trapped in it? How could I have seen that the historical ransacking and RAPE of Hindu temples (and Pagan temples from other cultures) was what happened to my own soul?

I kept researching. More and more hidden truths opened up. Stories that originated in old Hindu kingdoms had been stolen, cloaked in Mughal culture, and re-packaged to erase their original identity. Hindu temples had been ransacked and defiled according to a specific magical pattern (this is hidden by the way, not told openly by any historian) that exactly matched my direct experiences of soul-rape.

I am not ready to describe any of this in detail.

And once again, everything that I have said is much more complicated than it sounds - the karmic patterns and ancestral karmas that I have unearthed, going through this, are mind-boggling. Which is why this so hard to talk about.

To be clear, I don't and never will hate Islam or any other religion. This discovery of Islam's colonizer brutality is actually heartbreaking for me, because I was raised to be secular and have always loved and defended Islamic culture. But the fact is that Islamic invaders into India fully intended to exterminate us exactly as the Native Americans were genocided in the Americas. Exactly like how Hitler intended to exterminate the Jews (and like how the Palestinians intend to exterminate the Jews).

The rape of Hindu temples was the rape of a civilization and the rape of my soul. It dismembered Sati's body all over again.

It also created Abuse Consciousness in the minds of people (formerly Hindu, Buddhist, Sikh, or Jain) who were brutally converted to Islam or Christianity under threat and torture, and that has created intergenerational trauma in their descendants that they aren't aware of.

It led to a lot of distortions in mainstream Hindu culture, which I am still untangling myself from.

And I finally understood why the resurrection of Rama's temple in Ayodhya in January last year happened in a synchronized way with my first steps into freedom, my initial curse-breaking process. I understood why a lot of things, including spiritual things, happened the way they did. Lord Rama and I were being resurrected together. Lord Rama and I were coming home from exile together.

And even that was such a shocking journey of reclamation - being able to let go of stupid, pointless guilt where I allowed the colonizer to feel like a victim and made myself, the victim, feel like a colonizer.

As a child, when I timidly piped up and said the Babri Masjid never should have been built on the site of Rama's temple, I was viciously shut down. I learned to shut up, doubt myself, and absorb the projections of my abusers.

It also exacerbated my disconnection from the Earth and my disconnection from Rama. So reclaiming Rama has been a very shocking part of this whole process.

This has happened in tandem with devastating realizations about my biological family members and the patterns of abuse, betrayal, and horrifying evil that I have experienced. And a devastating healing process with my Twin too. It is all connected to the horrors and evils of colonizer mentality - not only what Europeans did to my ancestors, but also what Muslim invaders did to my ancestors.

And it goes further...into how Hindus carried this abuse to other Hindus, including what my family did to me through multiple lifetimes of scapegoat abuse and murder.

The. Wound. Goes. Deep.

It has been normalized exactly the way the horrific torture I've gone through has been normalized.

I never wanted any of this to be true.

Here are some books I read, because they explain the trauma better and frankly, just writing this blog post was exhausting.

- Invaders And Infidels by Sandeep Balakrishna
- Flight of Deities and Rebirth of Temples by Meenakshi Jain
- Vishwanath Rises and Rises: The Story of Eternal Kashi by Meenakshi Jain
- The Heathen in His Blindness... by S.N. Balagangadhara

There are other books like this. I'm too exhausted to read them, but thankfully a lot of authors are popping up now who are decolonizing the story of India.

To say that this has been painful to accept is an understatement.

Hekate's Haunted Women

There are two people who will never betray me: my Goddess and my Twin Flame.

Everyone else did. EVERYONE ELSE.

To me, it is not a coincidence that Hekate is associated not only with witches, but with brutalized women. Women who died as sacrifices, women who were abused and tortured, women who died unfulfilled. 

It is not a coincidence that Hekate's retinue is filled with predatory female spirits, ghostly and terrifying creatures, while Her lineage of witches includes the most powerful women in Greek myth.

Some of the fearsome black hounds that accompany Hekate were once women - wronged, abused, terrorized women. In their new lives as Hekate's hounds, these abused women become empowered hunters, carrying out Hekate's justice.

I deeply, deeply understand the Dark Feminine and how she resides in the deep recesses of my psyche. I understand women who are tortured to the point of madness, because their suffering is my suffering. I have suffered as they have suffered.

I understand the Empousai and Lamiae. I know Medusa's rage and Echidna's "monstrous" nature. They are me.

Praise Hekate, who refuses to abandon those who are abandoned by everyone else!

Praise the Dark Mother of outcasts, the Refuge of the broken, the Mother of Exiles!